Michael Phelps 12,000 Calorie Diet Explained By Munchies

February 8, 2009 4:31 pm
Michael Phelps 12,000 Calorie Diet Explained By Munchies
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Study: Top Ten Olympic Swimmers All Smoked Weed

4:29 pm
Study: Top Ten Olympic Swimmers All Smoked Weed
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Groundhog Sees His Shadow, Global Warming Formally Disproved

4:27 pm
Groundhog Sees His Shadow, Global Warming Formally Disproved

Punxsutawney, PA—In the timeless tradition of groundhogs that have come before him, Punxsutawney Phil came out last Monday, February 2nd and saw his shadow. Meteorologists and environmentalists around the world are stirring after an event with such revolutionary implications. “Do you know what this means for global warming?” said one […]

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Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

4:22 pm
Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

This past November, I watched with horror as Barack Hussein Obama captured the White House from our beloved GOP. Our party shattered into little fragments, and some of those were lost to the blue side. I don’t know if we can bring the intellectuals, the libertarians, or the soccer moms […]

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Opinion: Fetuses Don’t Deserve the Right To Vote- Animals Do!

4:19 pm
Opinion: Fetuses Don’t Deserve the Right To Vote- Animals Do!

Look, man, the neofascist, religious freakout Republicans are calling for the government to extend voting rights to fetuses. And that’s crazy, man. It shouldn’t even be up for debate. For one thing, fetuses are just a bunch of cells that will eventually become a person. They don’t have feelings. They […]

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Michael Phelps: “Gold Medalist of Bong Hits”

4:16 pm
Michael Phelps: “Gold Medalist of Bong Hits”

COLUMBIA (AP) – On Monday, the public relations representative for Michael Phelps was forced to face difficult questions about an alleged photo of the Olympian smoking marijuana out of a bong. The photo was taken at the University of South Carolina where Phelps was apparently trying to get a “well-deserved […]

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The Flipside Juice: Join The Flipside Green Initiative

February 2, 2009 7:52 pm
The Flipside Juice: Join The Flipside Green Initiative
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Stanford Library Cavity Search Yields Valuable Microfilm

5:51 pm
Stanford Library Cavity Search Yields Valuable Microfilm

Stanford, CA – At most libraries Michael Blum (’10) would have walked away with a microfilm reel of Better Homes and Gardens from 1955. But not at Stanford. The library’s draconian checkout search policy finally paid off Friday when, after a comprehensive cavity search, a library employee found the microfilm […]

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Stanford Registrar Changes To New Epic Fail Grading System

5:48 pm
Stanford Registrar Changes To New Epic Fail Grading System

Faced with increasing numbers of stressed students and flustered professors, the Stanford Registrar’s Office has just announced plans to implement a new, Epic Fail grading scale. Unlike the number and letter based scales of the past, the epic fail scale will rank students based on skills, ownage, and degree of […]

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CAUGHT: Notorious Axe And Palm Crepe Thief Jean-Claude Pierre Foiled Again

5:47 pm
CAUGHT: Notorious Axe And Palm Crepe Thief Jean-Claude Pierre Foiled Again

Axe and Palm Crêpe Thief, Jean-Claude Pierre, is behind bars at last. He was caught last night at 10:08 in the kitchen of The Axe and Palm, attempting to steal yet another crêpe. Onlookers were rather confused. “It seemed that he [Pierre] passed by the open registers flowing with cash […]

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