I Am A Killing Machine

March 1, 2009 7:44 pm
I Am A Killing Machine

By Jonathon Farrell ‘11 Oh brothers, how war has made us weary. These grueling days seem like months to me now as I look back upon a different time—a time when we could wake up late, in our own beds, and bike to class a comfortable five minutes late without […]

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Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

February 8, 2009 4:22 pm
Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

This past November, I watched with horror as Barack Hussein Obama captured the White House from our beloved GOP. Our party shattered into little fragments, and some of those were lost to the blue side. I don’t know if we can bring the intellectuals, the libertarians, or the soccer moms […]

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Opinion: Fetuses Don’t Deserve the Right To Vote- Animals Do!

4:19 pm
Opinion: Fetuses Don’t Deserve the Right To Vote- Animals Do!

Look, man, the neofascist, religious freakout Republicans are calling for the government to extend voting rights to fetuses. And that’s crazy, man. It shouldn’t even be up for debate. For one thing, fetuses are just a bunch of cells that will eventually become a person. They don’t have feelings. They […]

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Opinion: End Laundry Room “Whites” and “Colors” Discrimination

December 29, 2008 12:23 am
Opinion: End Laundry Room “Whites” and “Colors” Discrimination

With Obama’s recent election, you may be elated about the prospect of change, and excited to see how America responds to its first black president. You might be tempted to think that racism is a done deal and that as a nation, we have finally moved past that stage. You […]

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Opinion: “I Demand A Recount”

November 8, 2008 9:01 pm
Opinion: “I Demand A Recount”

By Frank the Disgruntled McCain Supporter Do you really think the U.S. just elected Barack Obama as President? Come on, America- let’s think again. This is obviously impossible. The only way Obama could have beaten John McCain would have been by using dirty techniques to rig the election. The voters […]

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Opinion: “I Know Why The Mausoleum Party Was Moved—Those Dead People Were Coming Alive”

November 1, 2008 9:45 pm
Opinion: “I Know Why The Mausoleum Party Was Moved—Those Dead People Were Coming Alive”

Some of you may just think I’m your average conspiracy theorist, but that is certainly not the case. I have some reliable inside scoop here, but I won’t tell you exactly where I got the information from (the spirits).
     First let me dispel some of the overriding theories for […]

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Opinion: “The Chow Mein In the Dining Halls Puts Me In Just The Right Mood To Read Plato”

October 8, 2008 6:01 pm
Opinion: “The Chow Mein In the Dining Halls Puts Me In Just The Right Mood To Read Plato”

By Leonard Huffman I am the wisest man in the world because I know one thing, and that is that the chow mein in the dining hall puts me in just the right mood to read Plato. The chow mein has just the right balance between noodles and veggies that […]

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