Op-Ed: Please Just Let Me Eat My Toothpaste In The Back Of Class In Peace

October 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: Please Just Let Me Eat My Toothpaste In The Back Of Class In Peace

We all have our vices. Maybe yours is smoking, or perhaps gambling. And mine, sure, it’s a little less orthodox. But so what if I enjoy chowing down on a tube of toothpaste during my Thinking Matters section? What’s it to you, buddy? Just because I personally love gulping back […]

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Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

October 16, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

Whoa, all of these slugs are really starting to get annoying, right? Those slick sacks of goo are just all over the damn place.  Don’t you just hate slipping on, crushing, and murdering whole families of slugs? I mean, what’s up with that?  I feel like there should’ve been some […]

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Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

October 9, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

Salutations.  I write to you from the prison of my earthly carcass, the simple form of a stainless steel handle extending into a shallow bowl shape.  I am currently huddled in the dark corner of my jailor’s utensil drawer, exiled by my intolerant and bigoted peers.  I am Forky the […]

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The Top Five Times The Guy From Planet Earth Encouraged Me to Kill All My Birds

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The Top Five Times The Guy From Planet Earth Encouraged Me to Kill All My Birds

David Attenborough, that mischievous scamp who does the voice-overs on BBC’s award-winning Planet Earth, is always encouraging me to murder my pet birds. Here are the top five strategies he’s attempted. The Time He Backed It Up With Evidence Mr. Attenborough is first and foremost a man of science, so […]

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A Farewell From Our Seniors

June 5, 2017 2:12 pm
A Farewell From Our Seniors

Dear cherished readers, On this, our last issue as Editors of The Flipside, we would like to extend to you our utmost thanks, for our time editing The Flipside has made us extremely wealthy and famous. As we look down at our gold-plated laptops and shiny gold-plated pens, we weep, […]

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Opinion: The Only Legitimate Marriage Is One Between a Man and a Woman and Me, WWE Legend Randy Orton

12:00 pm
Opinion: The Only Legitimate Marriage Is One Between a Man and a Woman and Me, WWE Legend Randy Orton
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