Parade Rained On

January 22, 2010 1:32 am
Parade Rained On
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Self-Esteem Sought by Passive Voice

November 8, 2009 1:24 pm
Self-Esteem Sought by Passive Voice

GRAMMAR, PENN.—For years, the passive voice has been berated, insulted, and abused by English teachers across the country. Though it has normally been viewed as a happy, self-confident grammatical structure capable of accepting the attacks, the passive voice has recently been seen crying itself to sleep and wishing it were […]

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Overly Cautious Freshman Loses Key To Thirteenth U-Lock

1:22 pm
Overly Cautious Freshman Loses Key To Thirteenth U-Lock

Sandra Perez, 18, of Rinconada was indicted yesterday on charges of leaving her bicycle unattended in the same space for twenty-eight days. Perez  had left one too many u-locks on her bicycle, and misplaced the key to one of the locks, rendering the bike immobile. “I don’t know what happened. […]

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Student Ostracized For Throwing Garbage Into Compost Bin

November 2, 2009 1:46 am
Student Ostracized For Throwing Garbage Into Compost Bin



RICKER DINING—In an effort to curb global warming and environmental degradation, students and dining officials across campus have implemented new policies to promote green living and environmentally friendly lifestyles. Specifically, dining halls across campus have encouraged students to recycle, to compost their food, and to abstain from meat, dairy, and […]

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Stanford Adds Bikepool Lanes

1:42 am
Stanford Adds Bikepool Lanes

STANFORD, CA—Stanford University has finished renovating all the roads on campus with new High Occupancy Vehicle bike lanes.  These new HOV bike lanes are intended to support the University’s push for sustainability by reducing carbon emissions and by reducing traffic. Stern Resident Kenny Wilson commented, “It was difficult at first to […]

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The Flipside Juice: Excercising or Exorcising- Which is Right for You?

12:54 am
The Flipside Juice: Excercising or Exorcising- Which is Right for You?
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Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due

October 19, 2009 3:47 pm
Student Wins Boothe Prize Three Days Before Paper Due



STANFORD, CA—Taking a cue from the Nobel Prize Committee, the Stanford Writing Center has modified the guidelines used to determine the winners of the Boothe Prize. Last week, the writing center announced both the modified guidelines and the winner of the 2009 Autumn award. “I couldn’t believe it—I hadn’t even […]

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Vandal Comes Back To Apologize

October 12, 2009 12:26 am
Vandal Comes Back To Apologize
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Sex in Steam Tunnels “Too Hot and Steamy”

October 4, 2009 1:07 pm
Sex in Steam Tunnels “Too Hot and Steamy”

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION- Two freshmen were spotted emerging sweaty and red-faced from Stanford’s famed network of steam tunnels late Monday evening after a period of underground sexual debauchery.  They did not exit the steam tunnels with the usual contented swagger of a copulating couple; rather, they seemed highly disturbed and uncomfortable. […]

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Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

September 27, 2009 2:55 pm
Everyone Gets Swine Flu Anyways, Full Moon Back On

Over the past few days, every student on campus has gotten the swine flu. This recent epidemic, which originated from three promiscuous freshmen in Roble, has caused Stanford to reconsider the Full Moon on the Quad event. Students argued that the school wide make-out session is no longer dangerous to […]

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