Op-ed: ASSU elections are just a big popularity contest, and it looks like we’re the mothafuckin’ winners

April 17, 2017 12:01 pm
Op-ed: ASSU elections are just a big popularity contest, and it looks like we’re the mothafuckin’ winners

Editor’s note: This article was written on Saturday, prior to the release of the ASSU election results. Like you, we’re pretty damn sure the Flipside slate will win. Come on. Everyone knows that elections for ASSU exec are just a big popularity contest- a way for the cool, social, pretty […]

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Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

April 10, 2017 12:01 pm
Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

With the smell of rush still ripe in the spring air, Tau Omega sorority has once more entered their annual molting season, thus beginning to shed their earthly forms, reborn and ready for new members. The chapter’s house is already littered with crafts, glitter, yummy snacks, and—both most importantly and […]

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“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

April 9, 2017 12:00 pm
“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

STANFORD, CA—Citing the French leader’s devastating military campaigns and egomaniacal desire for power, sophomore Chaz Jackson reportedly declared Napoleon Bonaparte a “douche” in yesterday’s FRENCH 132 section. “Yeah, I mean, I guess he did some cool stuff, but at the end of the day Napoleon was really just a big […]

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Area Coach Reminds Team That There Is One Meat In “Team”

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Area Coach Reminds Team That There Is One Meat In “Team”
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Man Shouts “Theater” In Crowded Fire

March 11, 2017 9:52 am
Man Shouts “Theater” In Crowded Fire
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Sexually Active Man Tests Positive for Harpies

March 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Sexually Active Man Tests Positive for Harpies

When local sex-haver Vikram Üntergrim went to get a free STD screening at Vaden, he was worried that his frequent hookups had left him with some sort of venereal disease. But the diagnosis he ultimately received was far worse: he had harpies. “The first time I realized that something might […]

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