“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

April 9, 2017 12:00 pm
“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

STANFORD, CA—Citing the French leader’s devastating military campaigns and egomaniacal desire for power, sophomore Chaz Jackson reportedly declared Napoleon Bonaparte a “douche” in yesterday’s FRENCH 132 section. “Yeah, I mean, I guess he did some cool stuff, but at the end of the day Napoleon was really just a big […]

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Area Coach Reminds Team That There Is One Meat In “Team”

March 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Area Coach Reminds Team That There Is One Meat In “Team”
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Man Shouts “Theater” In Crowded Fire

March 11, 2017 9:52 am
Man Shouts “Theater” In Crowded Fire
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Sexually Active Man Tests Positive for Harpies

March 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Sexually Active Man Tests Positive for Harpies

When local sex-haver Vikram Üntergrim went to get a free STD screening at Vaden, he was worried that his frequent hookups had left him with some sort of venereal disease. But the diagnosis he ultimately received was far worse: he had harpies. “The first time I realized that something might […]

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Man’s Slang Lexicon Deemed Lame-Skididdly

February 13, 2017 5:33 pm
Man’s Slang Lexicon Deemed Lame-Skididdly
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Stupid Salsa Verde Not Guac and Never Will Be

12:00 pm
Stupid Salsa Verde Not Guac and Never Will Be

Eyewitnesses at Stern Dining have reported that the cafeteria’s salsa verde is trying real hard to look like guacamole but that it doesn’t, can’t, and never will. It just isn’t smart enough. “That stupid, stupid salsa verde is acting like people actually think it’s guac”, noted regular Stern diner and […]

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