Racist Barbie Calls Ken a “Commie WOP Bastard”

March 6, 2018 9:44 am
Racist Barbie Calls Ken a “Commie WOP Bastard”
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Mother Gains Super Strength from Child in Peril, Wins Carnival Game

February 26, 2018 12:00 pm
Mother Gains Super Strength from Child in Peril, Wins Carnival Game

When the brakeline on Kathy Ramone’s car snapped, pinning her precious child beneath the 4,000-pound vehicle, things looked pretty dire. But luckily for mother and son alike, a surge of maternal hormones gave Ramone a tremendous burst of strength, allowing her to finally get the high score on the local […]

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Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

February 20, 2018 12:00 pm
Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

Watch out, exciting news ahead! That’s right, industry giant American Girl Doll just announced their 2018 line of new dolls, and wow, are there some fun ones. They’re some modern dolls for a modern world, so read below to become properly acquainted with America’s favorite dolls! 1. Kelly: In her […]

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Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

February 19, 2018 2:00 pm
Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

Residents of freshman dorm Cedro were reportedly taken aback earlier this week when, in the midst of a nostalgia-driven midnight conversation, self-declared “90s kid” Gregor Alandra was unable to identify a single cultural touchstone from that decade other than Furbies. “Ah yes, the nineteen-nineties, a decade most glorious indeed,” explained […]

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Insecure and Looking for Love? Try Humble

February 13, 2018 12:00 pm
Insecure and Looking for Love? Try Humble

The dating app Humble, coming from the makers of the well-known dating app Bumble, is the new online dating craze. For those who lack the confidence to ask someone out in person, turn to online dating. If that still does not fulfill your self-effacing needs, turn to Humble. Humble serves […]

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Op-Ed: Jeff Sessions Found Me Smoking Weed on Wilbur Field And Now I’m In Federal Prison

February 12, 2018 10:44 am
Op-Ed: Jeff Sessions Found Me Smoking Weed on Wilbur Field And Now I’m In Federal Prison
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