Guy Who Calls It Schwanging Has Yet To Schwang

April 4, 2017 12:00 pm
Guy Who Calls It Schwanging Has Yet To Schwang
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Yikes! No One Told Mike Pence That Jesus Died, And He Only Just Found Out

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LAS VEGAS, NV - APRIL 25:  Indiana Gov. Mike Pence attends the Republican Jewish Coalition spring leadership meeting at The Venetian Las Vegas on April 25, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Republican Jewish Coalition's annual meeting featured potential Republican presidential candidates in attendance, along with Republican super donor Sheldon Adelson.  (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
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Condescending Vegan Faces Displacement by Automation

March 5, 2017 12:00 pm
Condescending Vegan Faces Displacement by Automation

Stern Dining — Larkin resident Patrick Freedman sits alone, searching through the classifieds in hopes of finding a new job. Freedman had previously been comfortably employed as a professional vegan, paid by the university to remind meat-eating students that they are moral scum. Freedman would roam the lunch lines and […]

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Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

February 27, 2017 12:00 pm
Friend That Parents Remember Isn’t Actually Close Friend

“How’s Chloe?” Janice McDermott asked her daughter, Amika McDermott (’16), over the phone Monday morning, evidently unaware that the aforementioned Chloe is simply a close acquaintance of Amika’s who Mrs. McDermott happened to have passingly met at Parents’ Weekend. “I just want to check in on you and your friends—you […]

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Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

February 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

Describing the exchange between the two YouTube users as one of the most brutal and genuinely terrifying online discussions they have ever witnessed, viewers of the video BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION) told reporters that Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian were absolutely tearing into each other in an extended comment […]

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Remember, Your Body Is Just A Vessel For Getting Good Grades

February 21, 2017 12:00 pm
Remember, Your Body Is Just A Vessel For Getting Good Grades

In this crazy roller coaster called college, it’s very easy to lose perspective. Us students often have a hard time seeing the bigger picture, and small issues tend to get blown way out of proportion. I’m here to kindly remind you: not everything in life is as important as your […]

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