Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

May 1, 2017 12:01 pm
Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

Looks like the fashionistas are gonna have a field day with this one, folks. Millennials worldwide have started wearing surgical masks so they don’t breathe in the poisoned air of a slowly-dying planet, and damn do they pull it off! Sure, fashion is subjective, but come on — just take […]

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Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

April 24, 2017 12:00 pm
Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

If we were to rank every single dolphin from best to worst, this would be the very bottom. Look at it. Where the fuck is it even, a swamp? It can’t even manage to get into a tributary or inland sea? No, it can’t. Because it’s a dumb wrinkly piece […]

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FDA Insists Massive Snake Oil Spill Won’t Do Anything

April 10, 2017 12:00 pm
FDA Insists Massive Snake Oil Spill Won’t Do Anything
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Environmentally Conscientious Student Feels Completely Comfortable Wasting Water Now That Drought Is Finally Over

February 8, 2017 9:00 am
Environmentally Conscientious Student Feels Completely Comfortable Wasting Water Now That Drought Is Finally Over

Reporting that exacerbating the possibility of a relapse into a widespread agricultural and public health crisis incurs absolutely no personal guilt, Stanford student Jack Rogers (Earth Sys ‘18) told multiple sources that he feels completely comfortable wasting water now that Northern California’s recent severe water shortage has been over for […]

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Endangered Rainforest Canopy Bird “Unfortunately Delicious”

January 10, 2017 12:00 pm
Endangered Rainforest Canopy Bird “Unfortunately Delicious”
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“The horror, the horror!” – Students Recount Catastrophic Drizzle

October 17, 2016 12:00 pm
A man dressed in a shirt and tie with his hands on his head look to the sky in frustration in the pouring rain 

Black Background,Outdoors,Caucasian,Isolated,Business,Businessman,Men,Male,People,Working,Office,Office Place,Adult,Concepts,Rain,Protection,Uncertainty,weather,daytime,day,daylight,shine, pouring,life,hopeless, upset, wet, forces of nature, shirt, tie, defeated, soaked, soaking wet, rain drops, washed up, washed out, drenched, despondant, storm, defeated, frustration

The room is undecorated, apart from a poster on the wall advertising an upcoming a capella concert. A circle of collapsible chairs sit under a single ceiling light – they are filled by students struggling to make sense of the events that took place. Faces are stained equally with rain […]

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Idiot Freshman Thinks Tap Water Safe to Drink

October 10, 2016 12:00 pm
Idiot Freshman Thinks Tap Water Safe to Drink
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Persimmons in Dining Hall Put Confusion Into Student Heads

12:00 pm
Persimmons in Dining Hall Put Confusion Into Student Heads

At around 11:45am on Oct 5th, reports began flowing in from Arrillaga Dining that some things called ‘persimmons’ had started to appear in large silver bowls throughout the dining hall. The emergence of this strange orange fruit(?), about the size of a tomato, has left the campus in shambles, placing […]

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We Asked 5 Squirrels At Stanford “Why Do You Want To Go Into Tech” Because That Is What Our Magazine Is About

May 23, 2016 12:02 pm
We Asked 5 Squirrels At Stanford “Why Do You Want To Go Into Tech” Because That Is What Our Magazine Is About

    Samantha: I love cross-platform cloud-based computing. I want to make the world a better, more connected place through smart tech. Also, I am a squirrel, a type of rodent.   James: I forage for nuts all day, even though there are very few nut-bearing trees here. My 18 […]

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Railing Gets Thrill Out Of Hot, Sweaty Hands All Over It

May 16, 2016 12:00 pm
Railing Gets Thrill Out Of Hot, Sweaty Hands All Over It

Vibrating intensely with anticipation, a stairway railing in Huang Engineering Center reportedly waited eagerly for the young, sweaty feel of students’ hands all over it following Thursday’s Physics 43 lecture. “Oh, I just love this,” whispered the metal railing, shaking slightly as students’ footsteps rang loudly on the floor below. […]

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