Astronomers Struggle to Find New Adjectives to Make Moon Seem Interesting

February 7, 2018 12:00 pm
Astronomers Struggle to Find New Adjectives to Make Moon Seem Interesting

Last year, the world watched the Total Solar Eclipse, enraptured. The moment served as both a touching reminder of the beauty of nature and a convenient way to cull the eyesight of those Darwin would’ve deemed unfit. The event went off without a hitch — save for the newly blind […]

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Sexually Frustrated Moon Finally Gets to Masturbate After Several Nights of Constant Watch

February 5, 2018 12:00 pm
Sexually Frustrated Moon Finally Gets to Masturbate After Several Nights of Constant Watch

After several evenings of unceasing news cameras and children’s gazes of wonder, the Moon finally took some private time to extravagantly masturbate this past Friday night. Due to its beautiful peak fullness for several nights this past week, the Moon’s privacy had been outright violated by voyeuristic amateur astronomers and […]

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Romantic Duck Opens Wine Bottle With Corkscrew Penis

December 4, 2017 12:00 pm
Romantic Duck Opens Wine Bottle With Corkscrew Penis
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Newborn Fruitfly Has Midlife Crisis

November 6, 2017 12:00 pm
Newborn Fruitfly Has Midlife Crisis
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Area Chicken Lays One-Hell-Of-A Motherfuckin’ Egg

October 5, 2017 5:00 pm
Area Chicken Lays One-Hell-Of-A Motherfuckin’ Egg

Gilroy, CA —  Farmer Fred Porter, owner of Porter farms, awoke Sunday morning to find that his prized chicken, Chad, had laid what appeared to be a dope as fuck egg. The find came as a major relief to Mr. Porter and his family, who have struggled in recent months with […]

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This Woman FELL Off a CLIFF and Now She’s DEAD

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Accident-prone female executive falling over against a white background
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