Quote of the Week 10/24/16

October 24, 2016 12:00 pm
Quote of the Week 10/24/16

“[Bird noise]” – Rapper

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New A Capella Group Just Absolute Dogshit

October 12, 2016 9:00 am
Group of friends karaoke singing at the bar

Comparing their sound to that of “a great ape bellowing in pain,” junior Austin Matthews informed reporters yesterday that Stanford’s newest a capella group—the Winds that Blow—is just complete, irredeemable dogshit. “Oh God, they were terrible—like a group of screeching meerkats fighting for supremacy,” reported Matthews, adding that when he […]

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Quote of the Week 5/30/16

May 30, 2016 12:00 pm
Quote of the Week 5/30/16

“Hulk Hogan, we meet at last.” – Peter Thiel  

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Celebrity Shares Photo Of Newborn Publicity Stunt

May 23, 2016 12:00 pm
Celebrity Shares Photo Of Newborn Publicity Stunt
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Review: TeleVision, the Bad Window You Can Keep Inside a Building

May 18, 2016 9:00 am
Review: TeleVision, the Bad Window You Can Keep Inside a Building

Gone are the days of looking outside to see the horrors of nature. Long forgotten are the times of having to read to see what our fellow man is creating or destroying. The era of artificial existence is inevitable, and we are all a part of it. You might be […]

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New Radiohead Album Gives Basement-Dwellers New Thing to Yell “Mom, I’m Busy” About

May 16, 2016 12:00 pm
New Radiohead Album Gives Basement-Dwellers New Thing to Yell “Mom, I’m Busy” About
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Op-Ed: “Wait, Are You Telling Me Fetty Wap Doesn’t Rhyme With Fetty Rap And That This Has Always Been The Case?”

12:00 pm
Very confused looking guy
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“You’re So Vain” Singer Releases New Track Entitled: “This One’s About Warren (Beatty), (The Famous Actor)”

April 26, 2016 9:00 am
“You’re So Vain” Singer Releases New Track Entitled: “This One’s About Warren (Beatty), (The Famous Actor)”

The music world was ecstatic to learn today that famed singer-songwriter Carly Simon has released her first new music since 2008. Simon, whose prolific song “You’re So Vain” has sparked over 40 years of speculation about its subject, released a single from upcoming album I Dated Warren Beatty In The […]

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Man Who No One Loves Is Very Excited For Game Of Thrones

April 25, 2016 12:00 pm
Man Who No One Loves Is Very Excited For Game Of Thrones

With the return of HBO’s hit series, fans around the world are again watching the beautiful and violent tale unfold. Spencer Whitehead, a 26 year-old bachelor from Sunnyvale who no one loves, is as excited as anyone about the return of his favorite show. “This is shaping up to be […]

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SCN Announces Fetty Wap As This Year’s Disappointment

April 11, 2016 12:00 pm
SCN Announces Fetty Wap As This Year’s Disappointment
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