Uh Oh: The Oscar Statue Came To Life And He’s Very, Very Horny

February 13, 2017 12:00 pm
Uh Oh: The Oscar Statue Came To Life And He’s Very, Very Horny

Reports are coming in from Hollywood that the Oscar Statue, the gold-plated symbol of achievement in cinema, has come to life and is now extremely, extremely horny. The statuette, resting at 13.5 inches and weighing 8.5 lbs achieved sentience earlier today before developing an insatiable sex-drive, despite not having any […]

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True Aficionado Listens Only To Music Pressed onto 5,000-Year-Old Sumerian Clay Tablets

February 6, 2017 12:00 pm
True Aficionado Listens Only To Music Pressed onto 5,000-Year-Old Sumerian Clay Tablets

Citing evidence that “it’s how the artist intended their music to be heard”, area music aficionado and noted guy-with-opinions Dustin Bragel stated Sunday that, while the song being played was pretty good, it would have sounded way better if it had been etched in clay onto an ancient Sumerian tablet. […]

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Quote of the Week 10/24/16

October 24, 2016 12:00 pm
Quote of the Week 10/24/16

“[Bird noise]” – Rapper

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New A Capella Group Just Absolute Dogshit

October 12, 2016 9:00 am
Group of friends karaoke singing at the bar

Comparing their sound to that of “a great ape bellowing in pain,” junior Austin Matthews informed reporters yesterday that Stanford’s newest a capella group—the Winds that Blow—is just complete, irredeemable dogshit. “Oh God, they were terrible—like a group of screeching meerkats fighting for supremacy,” reported Matthews, adding that when he […]

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Quote of the Week 5/30/16

May 30, 2016 12:00 pm
Quote of the Week 5/30/16

“Hulk Hogan, we meet at last.” – Peter Thiel  

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Celebrity Shares Photo Of Newborn Publicity Stunt

May 23, 2016 12:00 pm
Celebrity Shares Photo Of Newborn Publicity Stunt
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