Local “Mom and Pop” Casinos Bamboozled by Smooth-talking Card Counter

April 6, 2015 12:00 pm
Local “Mom and Pop” Casinos Bamboozled by Smooth-talking Card Counter

In what has been called the greatest series of heists since “my son Jimmy got his hands on my credit card when he was five,” a string of small, family owned-and-operated casinos were taken for a ride by a grifter calling himself John Doe. “Mr. Doe was such a nice, […]

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McDonalds Adopts New Advertising Campaign

November 3, 2014 12:00 pm
McDonalds Adopts New Advertising Campaign

(Oak Brook, IL) – Following the massively successful 2003 “I’m lovin’ it” branding campaign, McDonalds CEO Donald Thompson stated in a press conference earlier this week that the international fast food conglomerate was prepared to unveil a new slogan, “Please, don’t masturbate in our restrooms.” “Don’t think we don’t know […]

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Class of 2018 Drops Out, Founds Start-Up

October 2, 2014 9:00 am
Class of 2018 Drops Out, Founds Start-Up

University officials announced yesterday that the Class of 2018 collectively withdrew from the university following the final day of NSO. The class has been seen biking up and down Sand Hill Road all week, attending meetings with VCs in lieu of engineering and CS information sessions. Just minutes after filing for withdrawal, the […]

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Report: Local News Station has Stopped Trying

June 6, 2014 9:00 am
Report: Local News Station has Stopped Trying

Flipside correspondents on the scene at KSTE report that the local news station for the greater Ellsworth, Minnesota area just does not care anymore. “Nothing important really happens locally that national news doesn’t cover, so we’ve basically given up on presenting news at all,” said Ricky Simmons, head anchor at […]

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In Unrelated News, Evan Spiegel Announces New SnapChat Email Service

June 2, 2014 12:00 pm
In Unrelated News, Evan Spiegel Announces New SnapChat Email Service
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10 Tips for a Fulfilling Summer

May 1, 2014 9:00 am
10 Tips for a Fulfilling Summer

Brought to You by the Career Development Center:   So it’s summer again, and the CDC has released their annual list of 10 mind-blowing tips for maximizing your summer plans. Be sure to take their wealth of advice in deeply to optimize your experience. Be Flexible—being flexible involves both unloosening […]

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Kid Vomiting in Stall Next To You To Run Fortune 500 Company Someday

April 21, 2014 12:01 pm
Kid Vomiting in Stall Next To You To Run Fortune 500 Company Someday

Stanford, CA – Defying all common sense, the Stanford student currently puking in the stall next to you undeniably has a good chance of one day serving as the Chief Executive Officer of one of the most powerful corporations on Earth. Although at the moment he has forced himself to […]

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Google Opens First Physical Store in Stanford Shopping Center

January 21, 2014 9:00 am
Google Opens First Physical Store in Stanford Shopping Center

In an effort to alleviate the strain on its servers and expand its footprint, tech giant Google announced the grand opening of its first physical storefront in the Stanford Shopping Center last Tuesday. “We think we can provide physical analogues of our most searched-for services, giving people the freedom to […]

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New Level of Stanford Commercialism

November 8, 2013 9:00 am
New Level of Stanford Commercialism

In a desperate attempt to reclaim their wasted investment of supposedly $100,000 per student, Stanford has now turned to selling their humanities majors to other universities. Under pressure to maintain its status as “the millionaire factory” and its ranking as #1 on Forbes’s list, Stanford started auctioning off their less […]

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Summer Intern Gains Valuable Real-World Experience Frantically Closing Facebook Tab on Web Browser

September 23, 2013 12:00 pm
Summer Intern Gains Valuable Real-World Experience Frantically Closing Facebook Tab on Web Browser

Although numerous Stanford students left The Farm this summer for internships at respected firms, the most coveted of these employment experiences belonged to those interns who gained real hands-on experience in abruptly minimizing Facebook pages when their managers or supervisors strode past. “It was great to have the opportunity to […]

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