Nike Launches “Just Shoe It” Campaign

May 31, 2016 12:00 pm
Nike Launches “Just Shoe It” Campaign

Following a year of low sales, Nike Inc. has announced a new advertising campaign. It will feature a new and exciting direction for the company. The company’s new direction is typified by the slogan “Just Shoe It”. The campaign lets consumers know they can purchase Nike-brand shoes. “We decided to […]

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Honest Resume Sparks Hysterical Laughter In Boardroom

May 17, 2016 12:00 pm
Honest Resume Sparks Hysterical Laughter In Boardroom

CHICAGO, IL – Local reports out of the Windy City indicate that Stanford senior Dudley Chase, having made the mistake of submitting a resume that was an accurate representation of his administrative and editorial skills, was laughed out of the Lewis Enterprises boardroom on Sunday. Apparently, upon reading Chase’s one-page […]

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Tesla Unveils Impractically Tiny Car Prototype

May 2, 2016 12:00 pm
Tesla Unveils Impractically Tiny Car Prototype

Tesla Motors continued their technological hot streak last Thursday, unveiling a new car prototype to rave reviews and wild applause at a conference held at their headquarters in Fremont. The new Model M, which has dimensions of just 2 inches by 3 inches by 2 inches, was hailed as the […]

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Family Groans as Power-Crazed Tim Cook Refuses to Unlock the Car

February 29, 2016 12:00 pm
Family Groans as Power-Crazed Tim Cook Refuses to Unlock the Car

Building on the hubris gained in his refusal to unlock the San Bernadino shooter’s iPhone, Apple CEO Tim Cook earned groans and eye-rolls from his wife and two children on Tuesday after adamantly refusing to open the family car. “Friends,” Cook explained, his partner Eric Jirgens folding his arms and […]

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Front Pocket Holds One Pen, Two Pens Tops

February 1, 2016 12:00 pm
Front Pocket Holds One Pen, Two Pens Tops
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Jos. A. Bank Swim Suit Collection Unpopular

January 25, 2016 12:00 pm
Jos. A. Bank Swim Suit Collection Unpopular
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Middle Aged Man Sadly Deletes Typing, Blood-Letting from Resume

May 26, 2015 12:00 pm
Middle Aged Man Sadly Deletes Typing, Blood-Letting from Resume
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Review: Soda Pop, the Masterful Fizzy Delight!

May 11, 2015 12:00 pm
Review: Soda Pop, the Masterful Fizzy Delight!

Boy-oh-boy are you in for a treat! What’s that treat you ask? None other than Soda Pop, America’s new favorite bubble liquid. You might think, “Hey, isn’t having AIR bubbles in a LIQUID an affront to God himself, man’s Icarian spit in the face of reason?” Nope, silly! Soda Pop […]

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Chart Tops Top Chart Chart

April 6, 2015 12:00 pm
Chart Tops Top Chart Chart
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Lobbyist Excited to Enter Rest of Hotel

12:00 pm
Lobbyist Excited to Enter Rest of Hotel
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