Visiting Poet Laureate Shares Acrostic Masterpiece

Last Sunday evening, in front of a packed crowd at Memorial Auditorium, Poet Laureate Steven Hirshfeld recited his latest critically-acclaimed work: an acrostic poem entitled “STEVEN.” After...

January 23rd, 2012

Stanford Too Popular for Hipsters

After a record 37,000 applications were submitted to Stanford University this year, hipsters across the country have started indicating that they no longer find the school attractive. Almost an hour after...

January 23rd, 2012

Top Contender Enters 2012 NFL Draft

STANFORD—Following the path of Toby Gerhart and Andrew Luck, Stanford redshirt Pre-Freshman Adam Adler ’12 announced his decision to enter the 2012 NFL Draft. “After a great deal of contemplation...

January 20th, 2012

Despite Retirement, Yao Ming Leads NBA in All Star Votes

After the first round returns on NBA All Star ballots, Yao Ming was comfortably on his way to securing his 9th All Star selection, even though he officially retired last summer. Many fans are concerned,...

January 19th, 2012

Report: Stanford Student Too Busy To Breathe

Flomo Dining—Jeffrey Golin, a sophomore who lives in Cardenal this year, has been officially declared “too busy to breathe” by the Vaden Health Center, who conducted the study. The study,...

January 18th, 2012

GOP Nominates a Cement Mixing Truck

Confronted with a sorry group of candidates growing more ridiculous with each passing debate, the GOP recently announced an intent to forgo party decorum in favor of an unorthodox political strategy in...

January 17th, 2012

Student Grabs Way More After-Dinner Mints Than Deemed Socially Acceptable After Eating at Nice Restaurant

Stanford sophomore Marcus Stevenson took considerably too many peppermint-flavored mints after a recent meal at an upscale Italian restaurant on University Avenue, which authorities have refused to identify. Traumatized...

January 17th, 2012

Despite Lack of Snow, Students Still Planning to Drink Heavily on Ski Trip

On the verge of the annual dorm ski trips, many Stanford students are worried about the way in which this year’s record low snowfall will impact trip quality. “I know there won’t be much...

January 17th, 2012

Newsflash! Facebook Passes Earth in Users

If you follow technology news, it will come as no surprise to you that the popular Silicon Valley social network Facebook announced that that they have reached 7.5 billion users, and surpassed their main...

January 12th, 2012

Study Finds Liars Have Way More Sex

In a study released last week by the Stanford Psychology department, it was found that those who identify as compulsive liars were found to have way more sex than the average individual. “This is actually...

January 8th, 2012

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