Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

May 30, 2018 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: How To Beat The Draw, By Me, The ShamWow Guy

Didn’t get your first choice? Suffering from fractured friendships? Over-eager to disrupt the private lives of upperclassmen who just want to graduate on time? Well buckle up, buttercup — here’s a pro’s inside scoop on how to really beat the Stanford Draw! Other insiders might tell you to pre-assign, return […]

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Silicon Valley Thrilled by New “Uber for Serfs” Startup

May 29, 2018 12:00 pm
Silicon Valley Thrilled by New “Uber for Serfs” Startup

In an announcement that has sent shockwaves across Silicon Valley, a new startup billing itself as “Uber for Serfs” has announced plans to go public later this month. The startup, feef, is already attracting hordes of eager VC’s looking to get a stake in the company before its shares skyrocket […]

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ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

May 28, 2018 12:00 pm
ALERT: Construction of Stanford Bubble to Begin Week 10

As the year begins to wind down, Stanford administration has begun planning the construction of a new project to enrich student life: a literal Stanford Bubble. Spanning the entirety of campus, this real-life version of the popular metaphor will be a testament to one of the defining aspects of the […]

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New FoHo Reveals That Stanford Systematically Discriminates Against Ugly Students

May 21, 2018 5:43 pm
View of the east entrance to the Main Quad at nighttest 2test 3

The latest issue of the FoHo, a campus e-publication, has revealed to campus a dark side of the Stanford bureaucracy — which was previously thought to be entirely dark sides anyways, like a dodecahedron dipped in squid ink. According to the article, Stanford has exhibited a consistent pattern of discriminatory, […]

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Stanford Bans the Humanities

12:00 pm
Stanford Bans the Humanities

In an unprecedented move last weekend, representatives from Stanford University announced their intentions to ban the humanities in all its forms starting Fall Quarter of the 2018-2019 school year. Provost Persis Drell’s statement about the change: “Stanford has always been a campus which places inclusion and balance over all else. […]

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Annual Björkândet Festival Begins in European Country You’ve Never Heard Of  

12:00 pm
Annual Björkândet Festival Begins in European Country You’ve Never Heard Of  

When the Gornūks fly and the smell of roasted Shmlengæn fills the air, everyone except you knows that it’s time again for the beloved Björkândet celebrations to start. The proud citizens of the European nation so well known for the festival have gathered in Düenkâlsheffen Square once again to light the Schrumdinküp flame and officially start the week of festivities.   “It’s the […]

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