Articles by: Samuel Cortes

Nascent Ant Civilization Destroyed In Its Prime

May 27, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Nascent Ant Civilization Destroyed In Its Prime
Nascent Ant Civilization Destroyed In Its Prime

Last Friday at the edge of the Oval, it was reported that the burgeoning 3-week old ant colony was rocked by several natural disasters, including massive floods caused by a spilt water bottle and freak wind patterns due to a passing lawn mower. These occurrences have severely set back the […]

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Sigma Chi, Sigma Nu Offer No Sympathy to Confused Delivery Man

April 28, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Sigma Chi, Sigma Nu Offer No Sympathy to Confused Delivery Man
Sigma Chi, Sigma Nu Offer No Sympathy to Confused Delivery Man

Sources reported that on Wednesday, members of Sigma Nu were incredulous to discover that their Google Shopping Express delivery of Smartwater and Clif Bars was delayed twenty minutes because the Driver confused Sigma Nu with Sigma Chi. “They’re like, not even the same bro,” said sophomore Jeffrey Randle, “Sigma Chi […]

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Women of Arroyo Form Sisterhood of the Traveling Yoga Pants

12:00 pmComments Off on Women of Arroyo Form Sisterhood of the Traveling Yoga Pants
Women of Arroyo Form Sisterhood of the Traveling Yoga Pants
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Tom Hanks Arrives at Oscars Naked, Because He Can

March 3, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Tom Hanks Arrives at Oscars Naked, Because He Can
Tom Hanks Arrives at Oscars Naked, Because He Can
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Alternative Spring Break: Novosibirsk

January 21, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Alternative Spring Break: Novosibirsk
Alternative Spring Break: Novosibirsk

By Arkidiy Zilomanov, Tourism Minister of Novosibirsk Oblast Hello Friend, are you scrutinizing possible options for a most fortuitous spring holiday? Rummage no further, as we have perfect option for you. From world-class attraction, Novosibirsk Zoo, to many factories included Siberian Food Corporation and Electro-Vacuum Plant, Novosibirsk, capital of the […]

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An Open Letter from Stanford to Cal

November 19, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on An Open Letter from Stanford to Cal
An Open Letter from Stanford to Cal

Dear Cal, I know it’s been a rough past couple of years for our rivalry. I know we’ve been trying to make it work but I feel like we’ve been together so long and it’s just boring now. You don’t even try anymore. Remember ‘The Play?’ That used to be […]

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Area Man: “Beep Bop Zippidy Zoop Zop”

12:00 pmComments Off on Area Man: “Beep Bop Zippidy Zoop Zop”
Area Man: “Beep Bop Zippidy Zoop Zop”
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Sauron Takes Over ResEd, Begins Battle for MiddleEarth

February 25, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Sauron Takes Over ResEd, Begins Battle for MiddleEarth
Sauron Takes Over ResEd, Begins Battle for MiddleEarth
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Mumford and Sons take home Grammy, bring her back safe and sound to Grandpa a week later

February 19, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Mumford and Sons take home Grammy, bring her back safe and sound to Grandpa a week later
Mumford and Sons take home Grammy, bring her back safe and sound to Grandpa a week later
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Following Alleged Marijuana Usage, AMC Announces New Show Breaking Bieber

January 14, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Following Alleged Marijuana Usage, AMC Announces New Show Breaking Bieber
Following Alleged Marijuana Usage, AMC Announces New Show Breaking Bieber
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