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Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

May 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table
Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

Earlier today, on the front lawn of Sigma Nu, one of the fraternity’s Snappa Grandmasters found himself embroiled in a match for the history books. Alex Tranner, heretofore undefeated in the many years that he has played the gentleman’s game, started the match with an uncharacteristically aggressive opening move, choosing […]

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Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

April 24, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: This is the Worst Dolphin
Report: This is the Worst Dolphin

If we were to rank every single dolphin from best to worst, this would be the very bottom. Look at it. Where the fuck is it even, a swamp? It can’t even manage to get into a tributary or inland sea? No, it can’t. Because it’s a dumb wrinkly piece […]

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Open Letter to Marc Tessier Lavigne: “I Will Never Trust a Person with the Name Marc Because it Rhymes with Narc, Which is a Bad Type of Police Officer”

April 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Open Letter to Marc Tessier Lavigne: “I Will Never Trust a Person with the Name Marc Because it Rhymes with Narc, Which is a Bad Type of Police Officer”
Open Letter to Marc Tessier Lavigne: “I Will Never Trust a Person with the Name Marc Because it Rhymes with Narc, Which is a Bad Type of Police Officer”

Dear President Lavigne, As I’m sure you know by now, your first name, Marc, is a name that many famous people share with you. Marc Bell, the drummer for The Ramones, for instance, and also Marc Bell, the beloved Canadian cartoonist. It is a terrific name, particularly because it ends […]

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Military Unveils Thing That Shoots Other Thing Really Fast and Far

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Military Unveils Thing That Shoots Other Thing Really Fast and Far
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A Standardized Formatting Guide for a Post-Truth Research Paper

April 4, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on A Standardized Formatting Guide for a Post-Truth Research Paper
A Standardized Formatting Guide for a Post-Truth Research Paper

Now that we have entered an age of “post-truth,” a time in which facts and personal opinions are one and the same, the standard formatting guides of days past no longer apply. MLA and Chicago style may have worked well when you could “fact-check” a peer’s work, but now a […]

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Bop It Unveils Wildly Unpopular New “Suck It” Feature

March 6, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Bop It Unveils Wildly Unpopular New “Suck It” Feature
Bop It Unveils Wildly Unpopular New “Suck It” Feature

Earlier this week, Bop It, the popular Hasbro toy first unveiled in the late 1990s, received a much-needed facelift after many years of devoted service to entertaining. Joining the ranks of the classic “Bop It,” “Twist It,” and “Pull It” is the new, extremely controversial “SUCK IT” feature, which many […]

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Uh Oh: The Oscar Statue Came To Life And He’s Very, Very Horny

February 13, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Uh Oh: The Oscar Statue Came To Life And He’s Very, Very Horny
Uh Oh: The Oscar Statue Came To Life And He’s Very, Very Horny

Reports are coming in from Hollywood that the Oscar Statue, the gold-plated symbol of achievement in cinema, has come to life and is now extremely, extremely horny. The statuette, resting at 13.5 inches and weighing 8.5 lbs achieved sentience earlier today before developing an insatiable sex-drive, despite not having any […]

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Quote of the Week 1/16/17

January 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Quote of the Week 1/16/17
Quote of the Week 1/16/17

“No way Donald Trump’s gonna drain that swamp” — Swamp Monster, cocking shotgun

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Swedish Man Tries to Kickflip Smorgasbord

January 16, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Swedish Man Tries to Kickflip Smorgasbord
Swedish Man Tries to Kickflip Smorgasbord
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Dork Punched

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Dork Punched
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