Articles by: Olivia Popp

Earthquake Leaves Individuals Shook

February 19, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Earthquake Leaves Individuals Shook
Earthquake Leaves Individuals Shook

A 7.0 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Norway last Friday left residents shook by its intensity. An earthquake this size has not been recorded since 80 B.C., which is likely a made-up fact. “It was traumatizing,” recounts Norwegian citizen Magnus Eriksen Jørgensen. “The buildings were toppling around me as […]

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Hunger Games-Style Battle Initiated After Sesame Balls Run Out At Wilbur’s Lunar New Year Dinner

February 14, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Hunger Games-Style Battle Initiated After Sesame Balls Run Out At Wilbur’s Lunar New Year Dinner
Hunger Games-Style Battle Initiated After Sesame Balls Run Out At Wilbur’s Lunar New Year Dinner

Thursday evening’s Lunar New Year Celebration, a large, festive event at Wilbur Dining, brought flocks of students from all over campus to feast on many Asian cuisine items. With so many students, however, popular foods quickly ran out, including fan-favorites such as mochi, chocolate ice cream, and fried sesame balls. […]

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Trump Family Probably Actually Just A Set of Russian Nesting Dolls

February 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Trump Family Probably Actually Just A Set of Russian Nesting Dolls
Trump Family Probably Actually Just A Set of Russian Nesting Dolls

Recently, news sources have been claiming that there may finally be an explanation to all of the peculiarities to the Trump family and administration—the Trump family is actually just a set of Russian nesting dolls. Supporters of this theory argue that this is why Trump wants to keep his children […]

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Report: Alarm Going Off

January 25, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Alarm Going Off
Report: Alarm Going Off

Yesterday evening, a strange noise was heard coming from FloMo’s Faisan house, but officials could neither identify nor pinpoint the source of the sound. Describing the sound as a repeated, piercing “EEEEEE, EEEEEE, EEEEEE,” followed by a short break, and then another “EEEEEE, EEEEEE, EEEEEE,” students were remarkably puzzled by […]

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Ski Trips Cancelled Due To Reported Sightings of Tupac In Tahoe Area

January 23, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Ski Trips Cancelled Due To Reported Sightings of Tupac In Tahoe Area
Ski Trips Cancelled Due To Reported Sightings of Tupac In Tahoe Area

Stanford administration has released a statement expressing its disappointment over the rumor claiming that all ski trips going up to Lake Tahoe and the surrounding areas were cancelled due to poor weather, as previously thought. The statement also provided the correct cause of the cancellations: reports by many individuals stated […]

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With Imminent Defunding Of Planned Parenthood, Americans Agree to Just Stop Having Sex

January 10, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on With Imminent Defunding Of Planned Parenthood, Americans Agree to Just Stop Having Sex
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With news that the GOP is planning on defunding Planned Parenthood with the repeal of Obamacare, a new study shows that millions of young couples have simply agreed to stop having sex. “What else can we do now? It might just be for the best,” says Andrew Verma. “I and […]

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Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

December 2, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc
Student Protests Twitter Character Limit By Not Completing Any of His Sentenc

Senior Justin Henshaw rose to Stanford-wide internet infamy Sunday after taking a stand against Twitter’s 140-character limit. Alongside friends who have led the #NoDAPL campus movement against the Dakota Access Pipeline, various walkouts, and several support rallies, Justin has become a strong figurehead for student-led activism at Stanford. “I just really […]

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Otero Reclaims Coveted Top Spot on Buzzfeed’s “Dormcest Capitals of the World” List

October 27, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Otero Reclaims Coveted Top Spot on Buzzfeed’s “Dormcest Capitals of the World” List
Otero Reclaims Coveted Top Spot on Buzzfeed’s “Dormcest Capitals of the World” List

This past Sunday, the residents of Otero celebrated once again topping Buzzfeed’s “Dormcest Capitals of the World” list, first by screening season 17 of “The Bachelor,” then reviewing a PowerPoint presentation on the ways freshman typically like to indicate they’re having sex (sock on the doorknob, tie on the doorknob, cruller […]

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Realizing It’s Only Week 4, Freshman Implodes And Creates Literal Black Hole In Dorm Room

October 20, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Realizing It’s Only Week 4, Freshman Implodes And Creates Literal Black Hole In Dorm Room
Realizing It’s Only Week 4, Freshman Implodes And Creates Literal Black Hole In Dorm Room

On Tuesday, there were reports of a black hole forming in a Twain dorm room, with further investigation showing that one of the room’s residents, Ben Backus, had a mental breakdown at 3:16 AM, causing his body to spontaneously implode. His roommate, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims that “Ben just […]

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