Articles by: Maia Shoham

Area Man Disappointed That Girls Don’t Flirt the Way They Do On TV

February 10, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Area Man Disappointed That Girls Don’t Flirt the Way They Do On TV
Area Man Disappointed That Girls Don’t Flirt the Way They Do On TV

Saratoga, CA – Fred Collins was spotted this morning leaving a Peet’s coffee with a medium latte and a look of utter dejection. His eyes staring at an unidentifiable point off in the distance, Collins barely managed to choke out, “TV lied to me!” before dejectedly getting into his car. […]

Read more ›

Picking Up the Turkey Drop: Donate a Girlfriend to a CS Major!

November 29, 2011 11:00 amComments Off on Picking Up the Turkey Drop: Donate a Girlfriend to a CS Major!
Picking Up the Turkey Drop: Donate a Girlfriend to a CS Major!

STANFORD, CA – The Salvation Army has partnered up with the Haas Center for Public Service in the first annual Stanford Turkey Drop. In addition to celebrating the fact that a bunch of white people didn’t starve to death, Thanksgiving marks the deadline at which long-distance relationships maintained during the […]

Read more ›

Stanford Med School Isolates the Douche Gene

November 16, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Stanford Med School Isolates the Douche Gene
Stanford Med School Isolates the Douche Gene

In a recent scientific breakthrough that could change the way we view the human race, a group of researchers has managed to synthesize and isolate the gene for douchiness. “Those born with this chromosomal abnormality often have a neck muscle deformity that precludes them from folding down the collars of […]

Read more ›

Students Massacre Hundreds of Pieces of Chalk

October 19, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Students Massacre Hundreds of Pieces of Chalk
Students Massacre Hundreds of Pieces of Chalk

WHITE PLAZA – Tragedy struck on Monday as a bunch of chalk was massacred by students protesting Columbus Day. What were once young, hopeful cylinders of condensed powder met their demise smeared across the concrete in the name of a dead old white guy. “It’s just so sad,” sobbed the […]

Read more ›