Articles by: Maggie Rosenthal

Freshman Who Lied About Watching Game of Thrones Now In Too Deep

October 16, 2017 5:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Who Lied About Watching Game of Thrones Now In Too Deep
Freshman Who Lied About Watching Game of Thrones Now In Too Deep

In devastating news out of Burbank this past week, freshman Ken Seley has realized he is “in too deep” in his ongoing lie — initially told in an effort to be more relatable to his peers — that he watches the popular HBO series Game of Thrones. The problem first […]

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Class Of ‘72 Alum Returns To Campus To Find Mayonnaise Sandwich He Put In Time Capsule Missing

12:00 pmComments Off on Class Of ‘72 Alum Returns To Campus To Find Mayonnaise Sandwich He Put In Time Capsule Missing
Class Of ‘72 Alum Returns To Campus To Find Mayonnaise Sandwich He Put In Time Capsule Missing
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Freshman Already Acclimating To Stanford, Calls California “Cali”

October 2, 2017 5:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Already Acclimating To Stanford, Calls California “Cali”
Freshman Already Acclimating To Stanford, Calls California “Cali”

Though the Stanford class of 2021 has been on the Farm for less than a month, freshman Grace Roberts is already acclimating quickly and has made herself at home with the local slang in an attempt to fit in. “Look, I’m doing pretty well. I tell my friends back at […]

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Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents

5:00 pmComments Off on Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents
Freshman Without Friends Or Legitimate Reasons To Be Happy Reports He’s “Doing Fine” In Phone Call To Parents

While freshman Bobby Taylor may be struggling to make friends besides his dorm’s resident pianist, sources confirmed yesterday that Taylor’s parents have been receiving a very different story in his weekly phone calls home. Exaggerating the quality of his social interactions and downplaying moments of intense self-doubt and loneliness, Taylor […]

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Darty Season Bittersweet For Day-Drinking Alcoholic

May 15, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Darty Season Bittersweet For Day-Drinking Alcoholic
Darty Season Bittersweet For Day-Drinking Alcoholic

The day party. A darty, if you will. With weather warming up and spring quarter in full swing, darty season is upon us. And it couldn’t have come soon enough for the budding alcoholics of Stanford University. “Honestly it’s great. Instead of having to drink alone in my room in the […]

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Op-Ed: I Invented A Color And Here’s What You Need To Know About It

May 8, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: I Invented A Color And Here’s What You Need To Know About It
Op-Ed: I Invented A Color And Here’s What You Need To Know About It

You’ve probably already read about it, but if you haven’t, here’s the deal: I invented a brand new color, never before seen, and you need to know a few things before you can just go and look at it. First off, you might be wondering how I “invented” a color. […]

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Report: Discussion Section Dominated By That One Student Who Actually Does The Reading

April 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Discussion Section Dominated By That One Student Who Actually Does The Reading
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Multiple sources have confirmed that there is one student in the 1:30PM discussion section of the Rhetoric of Origami that really just monopolizes the conversation, as he is the sole student to consistently complete the assigned readings. Students reportedly had identified the troublesome student Adam Thatcher in the 12 person […]

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Op-ed: Here’s what you need to know about those fuzzy little caterpillars

April 25, 2017 9:00 amComments Off on Op-ed: Here’s what you need to know about those fuzzy little caterpillars
Op-ed: Here’s what you need to know about those fuzzy little caterpillars

If you’ve been particularly observant this quarter, you may have noticed one display of the awe-inspiring flora and fauna on our beautiful campus: the Western tussock caterpillar. These tiny buggers are truly amazing feats of nature, crawling right under our noses here in Stanford, Calif! Here’s a few quick facts […]

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Student Making Millions Off Chase Bank’s $500 Flyers

April 10, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Student Making Millions Off Chase Bank’s $500 Flyers
Student Making Millions Off Chase Bank’s $500 Flyers

In a stroke of genius yet to be realized by any other Stanford students or Chase Bank’s top advertising executives, sophomore Greg Nicholson has begun cashing in the widespread offer of $500 from Chase Bank’s advertisements for opening up checking and savings accounts. Nicholson reportedly scoops up these flyers every […]

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Op-Ed: Megalodon Is In Lake Lag And I Have Proof

March 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Megalodon Is In Lake Lag And I Have Proof
Op-Ed: Megalodon Is In Lake Lag And I Have Proof

Look guys, hear me out on this one. Megalodon is real and he is living in Lake Lag right now. I get it, you might be a little skeptical. I was too at first! Does it really make sense for this massive shark, presumed extinct for over 2 million years, […]

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