Articles by: Kyle Hoffer

Tom Brady’s Tires Deflated As Part of NFL’s New “Eye-for-an-Eye” Disciplinary Program

May 20, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Tom Brady’s Tires Deflated As Part of NFL’s New “Eye-for-an-Eye” Disciplinary Program
Tom Brady’s Tires Deflated As Part of  NFL’s New “Eye-for-an-Eye” Disciplinary Program

Late Wednesday night, sources report that two low-level NFL staffers deflated the tires on Tom Brady’s personal vehicle as part of the league’s new pilot program for disciplining its employees. “We want to ensure that the punishment fits the crime in these high-profile cases,” commissioner Roger Goodell announced in a […]

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Tampering With, Destroying Lavatory Smoke Detectors Actually Illegal in Any Context, Reports Justice Department

April 29, 2015 9:00 amComments Off on Tampering With, Destroying Lavatory Smoke Detectors Actually Illegal in Any Context, Reports Justice Department
Tampering With, Destroying Lavatory Smoke Detectors Actually Illegal in Any Context, Reports Justice Department

             While most American travelers are aware that tampering with, disabling, or destroying restroom smoke detectors is a violation of federal aviation law, a shocking new report from the US Department of Justice reveals that such behavior is similarly unlawful in ground-based restrooms as well. […]

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Conspiracy Theory: Moon Landing was an Inside Job

April 20, 2015 12:00 pmComments Off on Conspiracy Theory: Moon Landing was an Inside Job
Conspiracy Theory: Moon Landing was an Inside Job

Following in the proud American tradition of fringe beliefs, a small but vocal group has begun to amass support for its claim that the 1969 moon landing was supported – either through direct intervention or tacit acceptance – by the government of the United States of America. “What people often […]

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Newly-Elected Congressmen Visit Capitol Hill To Pick Offices at In-House Draw

November 17, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Newly-Elected Congressmen Visit Capitol Hill To Pick Offices at In-House Draw
Newly-Elected Congressmen Visit Capitol Hill To Pick Offices at In-House Draw

Dozens of excited, newly-elected public officials descended on Capitol Hill last Wednesday to select their office assignments for the upcoming 114th session of the United States Congress, as part of the federal government’s “in-house draw” process.  Many arrived early to talk with departing incumbents about which offices they recommended, based […]

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After Four Years of Dominance, Stanford Students Forced to Recalibrate Expectations

October 27, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on After Four Years of Dominance, Stanford Students Forced to Recalibrate Expectations
After Four Years of Dominance, Stanford Students Forced to Recalibrate Expectations

As fall quarter midterms exact their toll on exhausted pupils, the Stanford community is once again reminded how entire groups of students, accustomed to being exceptional for the last four years, must suddenly come to terms with the feeling of being average. “I think it’s a very difficult transition for […]

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Farewell Message from the Flipside Seniors (and the voices inside their heads)

June 2, 2014 12:01 pmComments Off on Farewell Message from the Flipside Seniors (and the voices inside their heads)
Farewell Message from the Flipside Seniors (and the voices inside their heads)

To our loyal readers (or, more accurately, captive audience), Today we reach the end of our four-year journey together, laughing at the likes of Four Loko, Andrew Luck, Mitt Romney, Occupy Wall Street, Jordan Williamson’s missed field goals, Jordan Williamson’s made field goals, and suspicious backpacks outside of Tresidder.  From […]

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Report: Bugs Underrepresented in CS Community

May 27, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Bugs Underrepresented in CS Community
Report: Bugs Underrepresented in CS Community

According to a recent disturbing report published by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, Earth’s population of roughly 1 quintillion bugs has become an underrepresented demographic in the fields of technology and computer science. “We consider it to be a problem of retention, not recruitment,” one gypsy moth activist explained.  […]

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After Weeks of Enduring Arrillaga Dining, Landon Donovan Disappointed to Be Cut from World Cup Roster

May 26, 2014 10:00 pmComments Off on After Weeks of Enduring Arrillaga Dining, Landon Donovan Disappointed to Be Cut from World Cup Roster
After Weeks of Enduring Arrillaga Dining, Landon Donovan Disappointed to Be Cut from World Cup Roster

In a press conference held last Saturday, American soccer star Landon Donovan expressed his frustration over his surprising exclusion from Coach Jurgen Klinsmann’s 23-man World Cup roster that will represent the United States in Rio de Janeiro this summer. “I’m human, and I wanted to go.  I really wanted to […]

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Vladimir Putin Beats Up Ukrainian Prime Minister in Elevator

May 19, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Vladimir Putin Beats Up Ukrainian Prime Minister in Elevator
Vladimir Putin Beats Up Ukrainian Prime Minister in Elevator
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Putin Set to Direct Long-Anticipated Cold War Sequel

12:00 pmComments Off on Putin Set to Direct Long-Anticipated Cold War Sequel
Putin Set to Direct Long-Anticipated Cold War Sequel

In a summer movie season filled with uninspiring sequels – including Transformers 4, The Expendables 3, and How To Train Your Dragon 2 – Vladimir Putin is set to bring audiences the follow-up they have clamored for since the dramatic fall of the Berlin Wall and the ensuing disintegration of […]

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