Articles by: Jason Seter

Student Wearing Clothes Must Think He’s Really Hot Shit

May 14, 2018 12:00 pmComments Off on Student Wearing Clothes Must Think He’s Really Hot Shit
Student Wearing Clothes Must Think He’s Really Hot Shit

Noting the young man appeared irritatingly confident and self-assured, sources confirmed yesterday that junior Brian Murk must think he’s really hot shit ‘cuz of all those clothes he’s wearing all the time. “God, what a prick—all he does is walk around with that smug grin and those cottony pants and […]

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Top Five Matches I Got On Match18

April 30, 2018 12:00 pmComments Off on Top Five Matches I Got On Match18
Top Five Matches I Got On Match18

Oh, hey there, Flipside-reading seniors. Sad because you didn’t get paired up with anyone through Match18? Sucks to suck, ‘cuz I matched with five total baddies with whom I’ll likely now pursue torrid, emotionally-fulfilling sexual relationships until graduation. Check them out! 1. Tammy Two-Toes Damn, what a catch! Ever since […]

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Keebler Introduces New “Elf Jam” Cookie

March 14, 2018 1:58 pmComments Off on Keebler Introduces New “Elf Jam” Cookie
Keebler Introduces New “Elf Jam” Cookie

Touting the new snack as the future of the baked goods industry, the Keebler Company yesterday announced the release of the “Elf Jam” cookie—a soft, doughy treat filled with freshly processed Elf Jam. “We expect this cookie to redefine how Americans enjoy our products. The Elf Jam is always intimately […]

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Old Spice Reveals New Muskrat-Inspired Body Wash

February 5, 2018 12:00 pmComments Off on Old Spice Reveals New Muskrat-Inspired Body Wash
Old Spice Reveals New Muskrat-Inspired Body Wash

Cincinnati, OH—Describing the scent as an exciting and boldly pungent innovation, Old Spice representatives yesterday unveiled Musk-Man, a new body wash inspired heavily by muskrat pheromone secretions. “Old Spice has never been afraid to push the limits, so when our development team came to me with this idea for a […]

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Palo Alto Geisha Tournament Off To An Exciting Start

December 4, 2017 5:00 pmComments Off on Palo Alto Geisha Tournament Off To An Exciting Start
Palo Alto Geisha Tournament Off To An Exciting Start

Reporting the event had surpassed all expectations and was likely one of the more engrossing public spectacles they had ever witnessed, local sources confirmed yesterday that this year’s Palo Alto Geisha Tournament—or PAG—was off to a thrilling start. Boasting an impressive lineup of the most talented Japanese female entertainers in […]

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Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

October 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts
Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

Citing new evidence opposing the longstanding misconception that ghosts are the most terrifying creature to walk this earth, researchers at Stanford University announced yesterday that hippopotami are and have always been way more frightening. Though phantoms, specters, and other assorted ghouls may incite feelings of extreme dread and horror in […]

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Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now

October 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now
Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now

Stanford, CA—Noting that the succulent sure had a strange look about it, sophomore Nicolas Dermond reported yesterday that his roommate’s cactus, which commands an uncomfortably central position in their one-room double and, if it had eyes, could see just about everything, was looking awfully judgmental right now. “Jesus, did he […]

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Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge

May 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge
Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge
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“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

April 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on “Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson
“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

STANFORD, CA—Citing the French leader’s devastating military campaigns and egomaniacal desire for power, sophomore Chaz Jackson reportedly declared Napoleon Bonaparte a “douche” in yesterday’s FRENCH 132 section. “Yeah, I mean, I guess he did some cool stuff, but at the end of the day Napoleon was really just a big […]

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Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

February 22, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)
Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

Describing the exchange between the two YouTube users as one of the most brutal and genuinely terrifying online discussions they have ever witnessed, viewers of the video BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION) told reporters that Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian were absolutely tearing into each other in an extended comment […]

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