Articles by: Jason Seter

Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

October 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts
Report: Hippopotami More Frightening Than Ghosts

Citing new evidence opposing the longstanding misconception that ghosts are the most terrifying creature to walk this earth, researchers at Stanford University announced yesterday that hippopotami are and have always been way more frightening. Though phantoms, specters, and other assorted ghouls may incite feelings of extreme dread and horror in […]

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Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now

October 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now
Roommate’s Cactus Looking Awfully Judgmental Right Now

Stanford, CA—Noting that the succulent sure had a strange look about it, sophomore Nicolas Dermond reported yesterday that his roommate’s cactus, which commands an uncomfortably central position in their one-room double and, if it had eyes, could see just about everything, was looking awfully judgmental right now. “Jesus, did he […]

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Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge

May 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge
Poorly Erased Whiteboard Contains Whispers Of Lost Knowledge
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“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

April 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on “Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson
“Man, Napoleon Sure Was A Douche,” Opines Chaz Jackson

STANFORD, CA—Citing the French leader’s devastating military campaigns and egomaniacal desire for power, sophomore Chaz Jackson reportedly declared Napoleon Bonaparte a “douche” in yesterday’s FRENCH 132 section. “Yeah, I mean, I guess he did some cool stuff, but at the end of the day Napoleon was really just a big […]

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Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

February 22, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)
Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian Really Going At It In Comments Section Of BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION)

Describing the exchange between the two YouTube users as one of the most brutal and genuinely terrifying online discussions they have ever witnessed, viewers of the video BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION) told reporters that Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian were absolutely tearing into each other in an extended comment […]

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Nation’s Creeps Report Woman’s Hair Looks Really Soft

January 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Nation’s Creeps Report Woman’s Hair Looks Really Soft
Nation’s Creeps Report Woman’s Hair Looks Really Soft

Staring vacantly into the crowd covering their address, the National Association of Creeps reported yesterday that local woman Maria Richards’ hair looks really soft. Coming from across the country to share their findings with the press, the Association informed reporters that not only does Maria definitely have really soft hair, […]

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Guy Putting Money Where His Mouth Is Chokes To Death On Money

12:00 pmComments Off on Guy Putting Money Where His Mouth Is Chokes To Death On Money
Guy Putting Money Where His Mouth Is Chokes To Death On Money
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Quote of the Week 1/30

12:00 pmComments Off on Quote of the Week 1/30
Quote of the Week 1/30

“Fuck!” –Man Watching Porn Impatiently

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Toad With Pronounced Cranial Crest And Oversized Parotid Gland Going To Fuck Tonight

January 23, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Toad With Pronounced Cranial Crest And Oversized Parotid Gland Going To Fuck Tonight
Toad With Pronounced Cranial Crest And Oversized Parotid Gland Going To Fuck Tonight
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Ninja Loses Throwing Stars, Keys in Worst Day Ever

12:00 pmComments Off on Ninja Loses Throwing Stars, Keys in Worst Day Ever
Ninja Loses Throwing Stars, Keys in Worst Day Ever

Koga, Japan—Ruffling frantically through the piles of yari spears and rocket-propelled arrows littering the floor of his apartment, local ninja Kato Danzo told reporters yesterday that he had somehow lost both his car keys and favorite set of throwing stars in what was undoubtedly the worst day ever. “Oh man, […]

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