Articles by: Jamie Rodriguez

Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

October 16, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!
Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

Whoa, all of these slugs are really starting to get annoying, right? Those slick sacks of goo are just all over the damn place.  Don’t you just hate slipping on, crushing, and murdering whole families of slugs? I mean, what’s up with that?  I feel like there should’ve been some […]

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Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

October 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah
Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

Salutations.  I write to you from the prison of my earthly carcass, the simple form of a stainless steel handle extending into a shallow bowl shape.  I am currently huddled in the dark corner of my jailor’s utensil drawer, exiled by my intolerant and bigoted peers.  I am Forky the […]

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Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered

12:00 pmComments Off on Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered
Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered
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Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog

June 2, 2017 11:01 amComments Off on Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog
Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog

Get ready, kids!  This summer, Disney Channel is pleased to bring you this year’s coolest new show, Dog With An Alt-Right Blog.  A spinoff of Dog With A Blog, this hit sitcom follows the cooky shenanigans of Lucky, the hilarious, talking golden retriever who’s determined to take down the liberal […]

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Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

May 21, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children
Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

Stop him! Oh dear god, do you see what he’s doing? He’s beginning to scare the children. I realize that he has good intentions and all, but the mouth-breathing is just getting completely out of hand.  I’ve been planning Tommy’s birthday party for over a month now, and Ed is […]

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Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

May 15, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!
Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me.  I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other.  It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed […]

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Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office

April 24, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office
Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office

I guess the first thing I did wrong was the eye thing. I didn’t break eye contact with the dental hygienist until big, bulbous tears were streaming from my eyes, which were also audibly shaking after not blinking for 20 minutes. I could see how that could make someone uncomfortable.  […]

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Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

April 10, 2017 12:01 pmComments Off on Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season
Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

With the smell of rush still ripe in the spring air, Tau Omega sorority has once more entered their annual molting season, thus beginning to shed their earthly forms, reborn and ready for new members. The chapter’s house is already littered with crafts, glitter, yummy snacks, and—both most importantly and […]

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Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There

March 6, 2017 7:43 amComments Off on Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There
Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There

Wow.  Now look at those colossal pearly whites. I’d kill to have me some mighty chompers like those in my mouth.  So white, so clean, so big and sharp.  How do you keep them so nice?  Is there some special tooth-goo that can get my old gnashers looking as good […]

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Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

February 27, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too
Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

WASHINGTON D.C. – In addition to reports of Donald Trump having “too thin skin” because of his impulsive retaliations on Twitter against any sort of criticism, a recently leaked account of the president’s last checkup has revealed that his actual skin is quite thin too. It’s stretched so precariously over […]

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