Articles by: Jamie Rodriguez

Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

May 21, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children
Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

Stop him! Oh dear god, do you see what he’s doing? He’s beginning to scare the children. I realize that he has good intentions and all, but the mouth-breathing is just getting completely out of hand.  I’ve been planning Tommy’s birthday party for over a month now, and Ed is […]

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Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

May 15, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!
Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me.  I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other.  It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed […]

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Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office

April 24, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office
Op-Ed: The Many Reasons I Am No Longer Allowed In My Dentist’s Office

I guess the first thing I did wrong was the eye thing. I didn’t break eye contact with the dental hygienist until big, bulbous tears were streaming from my eyes, which were also audibly shaking after not blinking for 20 minutes. I could see how that could make someone uncomfortable.  […]

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Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

April 10, 2017 12:01 pmComments Off on Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season
Sorority Enters Annual Molting Season

With the smell of rush still ripe in the spring air, Tau Omega sorority has once more entered their annual molting season, thus beginning to shed their earthly forms, reborn and ready for new members. The chapter’s house is already littered with crafts, glitter, yummy snacks, and—both most importantly and […]

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Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There

March 6, 2017 7:43 amComments Off on Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There
Op-Ed: Those Are Some Fine Chompers You Got There

Wow.  Now look at those colossal pearly whites. I’d kill to have me some mighty chompers like those in my mouth.  So white, so clean, so big and sharp.  How do you keep them so nice?  Is there some special tooth-goo that can get my old gnashers looking as good […]

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Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

February 27, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too
Report: Trump’s Actual Skin Quite Thin Too

WASHINGTON D.C. – In addition to reports of Donald Trump having “too thin skin” because of his impulsive retaliations on Twitter against any sort of criticism, a recently leaked account of the president’s last checkup has revealed that his actual skin is quite thin too. It’s stretched so precariously over […]

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Quote of the Week 1/23/17

January 23, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Quote of the Week 1/23/17
Quote of the Week 1/23/17

“Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you squawk the squawk?” -The intimidating leader of my bird gang.

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The Muffin Man Arrested For Disorderly Conduct

12:00 pmComments Off on The Muffin Man Arrested For Disorderly Conduct
The Muffin Man Arrested For Disorderly Conduct

RENO, NV – Last week, police arrested the Muffin Man, 59, in a residential area of Reno, Nevada after receiving disturbing reports from neighbors.  Local residents called police after the Muffin Man reportedly began violently knocking on doors asking for a ride to Drury Lane while wearing nothing but a […]

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My Sunday Afternoon With Vice President Elect Mike Pence

January 17, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on My Sunday Afternoon With Vice President Elect Mike Pence
My Sunday Afternoon With Vice President Elect Mike Pence

We began the day with a light stroll through the farmer’s market down the road. I wanted to hold his hand, but he held them behind his back for the entire forty-five minutes.  I picked up some ingredients for snacks on the picnic we had planned, and only Mike’s favorites: […]

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Awaits Full Moon For Sacrament Of Eternal Life

November 14, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Ruth Bader Ginsburg Awaits Full Moon For Sacrament Of Eternal Life
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Awaits Full Moon For Sacrament Of Eternal Life

  “For the good of the nation,” she whispers as she plunges the ancient dagger into the heart of a wild boar.  Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, 83, looks up at the full moon with completely black eyes, absorbing the life force of the fading creature beneath her.  In […]

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