Articles by: Jamie Rodriguez

Hey Kid, Your Drawing Fucking Sucks But Check Out My SoundCloud

December 4, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Hey Kid, Your Drawing Fucking Sucks But Check Out My SoundCloud
Hey Kid, Your Drawing Fucking Sucks But Check Out My SoundCloud

Wow, what is that even supposed to be kid? It looks like you microwaved a bowl of crayons, mixed the wax with cereal, ate the cereal, threw it up, and then called it a picture of a dinosaur. Is that thing that looks like athlete’s foot supposed to be your […]

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A Congratulations Is In Order: Kim Jong-un Is MARRIED!

November 13, 2017 11:59 amComments Off on A Congratulations Is In Order: Kim Jong-un Is MARRIED!
A Congratulations Is In Order: Kim Jong-un Is MARRIED!

Can you hear the church bells ring and the children jubilantly chant? Well that’s because authoritarian ruler of North Korea Kim Jong-un is MARRIED, baby! It’s speculated that the marriage ceremony took place in 2009, but we just found out right now! This is long overdue, but congratulations on the […]

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Ask Smeg The Undying, Soldier And Disciple Of The Flame

October 26, 2017 11:07 amComments Off on Ask Smeg The Undying, Soldier And Disciple Of The Flame
Ask Smeg The Undying, Soldier And Disciple Of The Flame

Dear Smeg the Undying, I absolutely loved my freshman dorm, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to keep in touch with my friends from last year as much as I’d like to, which actually isn’t that much. Do you have any tips on staying connected with friends? – […]

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Sea Levels Rising, Seizing the Means of Production

October 23, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Sea Levels Rising, Seizing the Means of Production
Sea Levels Rising, Seizing the Means of Production
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Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

October 16, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!
Op-Ed: Do You Not See The Slugs?!

Whoa, all of these slugs are really starting to get annoying, right? Those slick sacks of goo are just all over the damn place.  Don’t you just hate slipping on, crushing, and murdering whole families of slugs? I mean, what’s up with that?  I feel like there should’ve been some […]

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Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

October 9, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah
Op-Ed: Hello, I Am Forky The Spoon, Social Pariah

Salutations.  I write to you from the prison of my earthly carcass, the simple form of a stainless steel handle extending into a shallow bowl shape.  I am currently huddled in the dark corner of my jailor’s utensil drawer, exiled by my intolerant and bigoted peers.  I am Forky the […]

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Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered

12:00 pmComments Off on Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered
Watch Out! Clifford The Big Red Dog Is DEFINITELY Not Neutered
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Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog

June 2, 2017 11:01 amComments Off on Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog
Coming to Disney Channel: Dog With An Alt-Right Blog

Get ready, kids!  This summer, Disney Channel is pleased to bring you this year’s coolest new show, Dog With An Alt-Right Blog.  A spinoff of Dog With A Blog, this hit sitcom follows the cooky shenanigans of Lucky, the hilarious, talking golden retriever who’s determined to take down the liberal […]

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Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

May 21, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children
Stop-Ed: He Has Good Intentions But He’s Scaring The Children

Stop him! Oh dear god, do you see what he’s doing? He’s beginning to scare the children. I realize that he has good intentions and all, but the mouth-breathing is just getting completely out of hand.  I’ve been planning Tommy’s birthday party for over a month now, and Ed is […]

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Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

May 15, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!
Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me.  I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other.  It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed […]

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