Articles by: Justin Hefter

Recent Grad Misunderstands Term “Apartment Hunting,” Kills and Eats 5 People in Escondido Village

October 22, 2012 12:00 pmComments Off on Recent Grad Misunderstands Term “Apartment Hunting,” Kills and Eats 5 People in Escondido Village
Recent Grad Misunderstands Term “Apartment Hunting,” Kills and Eats 5 People in Escondido Village
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Ron Paul Traded to the Clippers

December 15, 2011 3:18 pmComments Off on Ron Paul Traded to the Clippers
Ron Paul Traded to the Clippers
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Stanford University to Apply Early Decision to the United Nations

November 10, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Stanford University to Apply Early Decision to the United Nations
Stanford University to Apply Early Decision to the United Nations

On Wednesday, Stanford University announced that it would be applying early decision to the United Nations class of 2016. With more Olympic medals, more Nobel laureates, and a larger endowment than most countries, Stanford believes it is finally time for the world to recognize its national aspirations. It’s no guarantee, […]

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Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Stanford

November 9, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Stanford
Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Occupy Stanford

Mark Gruelle realized one morning that fewer than 1% of Stanford students were in the Occupy Stanford movement, so he decided to protest, representing the 99% of Stanford students who think the Occupy Stanford is stupid. He got even less people to join his Occupy Occupy Stanford movement, leading Mary […]

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BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur

October 6, 2011 2:45 amComments Off on BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur
BREAKING NEWS: Andrew Luck Discovers Maternal Grandmother is Jewish, Will Not Play on Yom Kippur

Like all great Jewish athletes before him, all one of them, Andrew Luck will choose not to play against Colorado this Saturday because it is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. The athlete announced his recent discovery at a news conference Tuesday night. “Some of you may have noticed that I have […]

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Report: The Environment is Destroying the Environment

May 22, 2011 5:05 pmComments Off on Report: The Environment is Destroying the Environment
Report: The Environment is Destroying the Environment

For years, environmental scientists blamed anthropogenic CO2 emissions for destroying the environment. However, a recent study by researchers at Stanford University found that the environment is itself to blame for much of the destruction to the environment. Hurricanes, forest fires, earthquakes, and tsunamis are all responsible for killing trees, displacing […]

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Wellness Room Sex Scandal Stressing Everybody Out

April 29, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Wellness Room Sex Scandal Stressing Everybody Out
Wellness Room Sex Scandal Stressing Everybody Out

An independent investigation conducted by the Stanford Flipside has found that the Wellness Room is actually a cover for a fetish-themed sex motel. A room with multicolored beanbags and fingerpaint to “eliminate stress?” Let’s get real. Suspicions have existed since its inception that the Wellness Room was no more than […]

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Flipside Staff Member Shell-Shocked to Find She’s Been Writing For a Satirical Newspaper

March 28, 2011 12:00 amComments Off on Flipside Staff Member Shell-Shocked to Find She’s Been Writing For a Satirical Newspaper
Flipside Staff Member Shell-Shocked to Find She’s Been Writing For a Satirical Newspaper

Flipside Staff member Penelope Peterson first learned Sunday that she was writing for a satirical newspaper, and not an actual newspaper. “You mean, this is all a joke!?” Penelope exclaimed when she heard the news. Apparently, Penelope had missed all of the satire, and had taken the news stories at […]

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Flipside’s Actions, Words, Compete for Who Can Speak the Loudest

February 27, 2011 1:57 amComments Off on Flipside’s Actions, Words, Compete for Who Can Speak the Loudest
Flipside’s Actions, Words, Compete for Who Can Speak the Loudest

On Thursday, after an op-ed in the Daily accused the Flipside’s Actions of not speaking loudly enough, an argument about who could speak louder erupted in the Flipside offices between Actions and Words. The argument immediately escalated both in terms of volume and violence. Actions, for some reason, could not […]

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Study Finds People Who Live Longer Are More Likely to Die

October 17, 2010 2:48 pmComments Off on Study Finds People Who Live Longer Are More Likely to Die
Study Finds People Who Live Longer Are More Likely to Die

A research team at Johns Hopkins University has found that there is a high correlation between long life and death. “It’s a unique situation,” says team leader Dr. Stefan Walters. “You would think that people who live long lives are healthy, but these people are dying all over the place.” […]

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