Articles by: Josh Fagel

Freshman RA’s Brace Themselves for Annual “Feces of Our Community” Event

October 2, 2017 5:00 pmComments Off on Freshman RA’s Brace Themselves for Annual “Feces of Our Community” Event
Freshman RA’s Brace Themselves for Annual “Feces of Our Community” Event

Following a memorable “Faces of Our Community” seminar during NSO, freshman RA’s are now bracing themselves for the traditional “Feces of Our Community” follow-up this Friday. The event, which typically occurs after around two weeks of acclimatization to dining hall food, is a traditional mass bowel movement that takes frosh […]

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Frequent Nordstrom Shopper Adds “Activism” To Resume

February 12, 2017 6:00 pmComments Off on Frequent Nordstrom Shopper Adds “Activism” To Resume
Frequent Nordstrom Shopper Adds “Activism” To Resume

PALO ALTO, CA – Pondering President Trump’s recent attacks on Nordstrom and the implications of that day’s pre-spring shopping spree, Palo Alto resident and known Nordstrom enthusiast Andrea Stevens added “Activism” to the “Interests/Activities” section of her resume early Sunday evening.  “As soon as I saw Trump attacking Nordstrom on Twitter, […]

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Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

November 29, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn
Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

While perusing Facebook on his phone yesterday evening, sophomore Michael Trent received a notification that sophomore Lindsay Adams requested to connect with him on LinkedIn. The move came after Adams neglected to text Trent back the morning after meeting and participating in a brief but passionate make-out session with him […]

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Freshman Disappointed Not To Be Involved In Any Civil Disobedience Yet

October 26, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Freshman Disappointed Not To Be Involved In Any Civil Disobedience Yet
Freshman Disappointed Not To Be Involved In Any Civil Disobedience Yet

When talking to his parents on the phone this week, Freshman Michael Andrews expressed his frustration that he hasn’t been involved in any civil disobedience yet this year. While in the first few weeks of school, some freshmen were excited to experience Math 51 or their first sip of Natural […]

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New San Francisco Resident and Google Employee Is Very Opposed to Gentrification

October 10, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on New San Francisco Resident and Google Employee Is Very Opposed to Gentrification
New San Francisco Resident and Google Employee Is Very Opposed to Gentrification

This Sunday, David Peterson, who recently got a job at Google and moved to the Mission District, stated he was “very opposed” to gentrification in the Bay Area. Peterson, who will now be making $150,000 per year and living in a hip, 2 bedroom apartment in the Mission, told the […]

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“We Should Catch Up Sometime,” Says Senior Who Doesn’t Want to Catch Up

October 3, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on “We Should Catch Up Sometime,” Says Senior Who Doesn’t Want to Catch Up
Female college student smiling in front of classroom

At 2 PM this Sunday, Senior Elizabeth Brown was seen saying “we should catch up sometime” to fellow senior Jake Fletcher, even though she didn’t want to actually catch up with him. Brown was walking to class when she encountered Fletcher, and after a brief, conversation, she mentioned the opportunity […]

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“Liberals Get Offended Too Easily” Says Offended Man

May 11, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on “Liberals Get Offended Too Easily” Says Offended Man
A man is angry and venting smoke from his ears in a classic expression shared in illustrations and cartoons.

RALEIGH, N.C.—After finishing a long-winded rant about the hypersensitivity of college liberals, area man Duke Kennedy proceeded to grumble about how transgendered people using the bathroom of the gender they identify makes him feel uneasy. Following statements from the Justice Department criticizing North Carolina’s new bathroom law, Kennedy asserted that […]

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Profro’s “I Got Into Stanford” Pick-Up Line Proves Totally Ineffective

May 2, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Profro’s “I Got Into Stanford” Pick-Up Line Proves Totally Ineffective
Profro’s “I Got Into Stanford” Pick-Up Line Proves Totally Ineffective
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National Theta Chi Fraternity: “Human Centipede Is For Pledges ONLY”

April 4, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on National Theta Chi Fraternity: “Human Centipede Is For Pledges ONLY”
National Theta Chi Fraternity: “Human Centipede Is For Pledges ONLY”

Following news that they will be suing Stanford University, the national fraternity Theta Chi released a statement today that claims “Residents of Stanford’s Chi Theta Chi acted in a way that is reserved for our Theta Chi pledges.” According to Theta Chi spokesperson Cam Nelson, “Chi Theta Chi stole all […]

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Student Celebrates Break in Binge Drinking Schedule With Week of Binge Drinking

April 1, 2016 9:00 amComments Off on Student Celebrates Break in Binge Drinking Schedule With Week of Binge Drinking
Student Celebrates Break in Binge Drinking Schedule With Week of Binge Drinking

After a Winter Quarter marked by heavy episodic drinking, sophomore Natalie Simmons decided to utilize her week-long break from classes and parties by drinking purely for the sake of being intoxicated. As she explained, “It just felt right—the timing of it, that is. There’s no better way to honor a […]

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