Articles by: Ethan Wilcox

CS Major incapable of Random Hookup

December 2, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on CS Major incapable of Random Hookup
CS Major incapable of Random Hookup

As he prowled through the sweaty dance floor of a Stanford frat last Friday evening, Junior Sam Perthew realized there was no way of getting what he was after. “I wanted anonymity, I wanted a quick thing that I wouldn’t have to think about, damn it — I wanted a […]

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Letter to the Editor: “A Confession”

April 29, 2013 12:00 pmComments Off on Letter to the Editor: “A Confession”
Letter to the Editor: “A Confession”

A secret has been pulling me down every day of my Stanford existence for the last three years. No, it’s not that I was never really admitted, or that I’ve been faking a British accent to get friends, nothing crazy like that — it’s something that weighs on my shoulders […]

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Biker Halfway-House to Open on East Campus

April 17, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on Biker Halfway-House to Open on East Campus
Biker Halfway-House to Open on East Campus

Last quarter 437 students were convicted of unlawful bike-related activity. After serving their time in police station lines and safety classes these students were released back to the streets, often to repeat the same atrocious crimes. A recent Stanford county police report indicates that nearly eighty percent of those arrested […]

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A Message from the Professor of Your Religious Studies Class

March 1, 2013 9:00 amComments Off on A Message from the Professor of Your Religious Studies Class
A Message from the Professor of Your Religious Studies Class

You are reviving this email because you have registered for ReligSt 183 — Religious Fundamentalism. I am excited to be teaching you next quarter, and I want to address the issues of grades well before week one rolls around. The thing is, your grades in this class have all be […]

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Arrillaga Dining to Introduce Trough-Style Feeding

February 25, 2013 12:02 pmComments Off on Arrillaga Dining to Introduce Trough-Style Feeding
Arrillaga Dining to Introduce Trough-Style Feeding

Stanford Residential and Dining Enterprises announced today that they will be replacing the tables and chairs in Wilbur with baryard-style benches and troughs. Come “feeding time”–as head chef Rob Patertino now calls Lunch and Dinner–food will be heaved into the troughs by one of the kitchen’s hired hands and students […]

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Totalitarian Socialist Theme Dorm to Open on West Campus

October 29, 2012 12:01 pmComments Off on Totalitarian Socialist Theme Dorm to Open on West Campus
Totalitarian Socialist Theme Dorm to Open on West Campus

University officials excitedly announced plans to convert Yost into a Totalitarian Socialist theme dorm for the 2013-2014 school year, citing “the opportunity to give students a great chance to broaden their world view by exploring and reading the narrow range of House-approved propaganda pamphlets.” “We’ve got some great little devices […]

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Opinion: You Should Hook Up With Me

October 22, 2012 12:00 pmComments Off on Opinion: You Should Hook Up With Me
Opinion: You Should Hook Up With Me

Just look at me. What more could you want from a dance floor hookup? These sweat stains under my armpits, and actually all over my body, are just because I’m a really good dancer. That slight beer breath that you smelled earlier is because I’m drunk enough to have a […]

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Dorm Storm Success with Few Casualties 

October 13, 2012 9:54 amComments Off on Dorm Storm Success with Few Casualties 
Dorm Storm Success with Few Casualties 

Last Thursday twelve ex-Twain sophomores suited up in the kitchen of EAST to participate in the ultimate show of affection for their old residence: dorm storm. As their synchronized watches beeped 9:00 pm, the twelve highly trained specialists moved stealthily across that parking lot near COHO, and quietly crept towards […]

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Stanford Tours to End at Ye Olde Unione Gifts

March 15, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Stanford Tours to End at Ye Olde Unione Gifts
Stanford Tours to End at Ye Olde Unione Gifts

In a desperate ploy to boost revenues for the University, officials announced last week that all official Stanford tours will cumulate with a stop at “Ye Old Unione Gifts & More.” The “gift shoppe” will be in the first floor of the Old Union complex, near where the foosball tables […]

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FloMo Dining Adds Lemon to Traditional Salmon Recipe

February 14, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on FloMo Dining Adds Lemon to Traditional Salmon Recipe
FloMo Dining Adds Lemon to Traditional Salmon Recipe

Students eating at FloMo dinning last Tuesday were delighted to find that a hint of lemon juice had been added to an otherwise nondescript Salmon recipe. “This fish dish is zesty, intricate, and refined,” commented Steven Bishop ’15, a self-identified food aficionado. Students were so pleased that they lined up […]

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