Stanford Police To Promote Autocratic Bike Safety Policies

In response to an increase in bicycle accidents in the past few weeks, Stanford Police have adopted a new, stricter ticketing policy concerning bike safety. It is based on measures taken by the Soviet Union during the 1960s to counteract political dissidence and control transportation networks. Starting...

May 5th, 2012

Student Drops Out to Focus on Beard Growth and Development

The young movers and shakers of today’s competitive world often drop out of college to focus on their own endeavors. It therefore came as no surprise to friends of sophomore Joseph Larson when he announced on Friday morning his intention to leave Stanford in order to dedicate himself full-time...

February 28th, 2012

Schwarzenegger Set on Terminating Sex Scandal

Sources close to Arnold Schwarzenegger report that the former governor of California has traveled thirteen years back into the past with the express purpose of nipping his current extramarital affair scandal in the bud. Pedro Salavarra, Schwarzenegger’s head gardener, told the Flipside that he...

May 22nd, 2011

The Double-Take: A Killer on the Rise

A recent study out of Stanford’s Psychology department has found that College Prowler’s new A+ rating of Stanford girls has been accompanied by a spike in the number of male students involved in bike accidents this year. “It’s really quite simple,” said Professor Farling...

May 10th, 2011

MTV Cribs To Film Next Episode At Osama Hideout

May 9th, 2011

Stanford Admissions Gambling Ring Exposed

STANFORD– In a dimly lit room in the back of Stanford’s Office of Undergraduate Admissions, a group of admissions officers once sat in silence around a table shuffling through applications. Today, the window shades have been drawn down, and one notices a faint scent of alcohol and dust...

May 4th, 2011

Jell-O Seismic Detection System Goes Into Effect

In light of the recent catastrophic earthquake and tsunami in Japan, Stanford’s Geophysics department has placed giant vats of Kraft Jell-O at various locations around campus. The initiative, spearheaded by earthquake-expert Professor Walker Johnson, has been met with great acclaim from both the...

May 1st, 2011

Stanford Announces IHUM 2

PALO ALTO-In a highly anticipated press conference Friday morning, Stanford’s administration revealed the eagerly awaited IHUM 2 to a crowd of humanities buffs and early adopters. IHUM fans in the audience were not disappointed– Michelle Schwartz, a proud user of the first IHUM, told Gizmodo...

April 19th, 2011

United States Launches Thumb War On Libya

In an unprecedented display of raw Presidential power, Barack Obama has single-handedly embroiled himself in a heated thumb war with Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi. What initially appeared to be just another cursory diplomatic handshake took a violent turn when Obama clenched his fingers into his counterpart’s...

April 10th, 2011

Kappa Sigma Loses House, Brothers Adopt Hunter-Gatherer Lifestyle.

After losing their housing for the next academic year, members of Kappa Sigma seem to have reverted to a primitive hunter-gatherer lifestyle. Kappa Sigma brothers have been sighted at various locations around campus scavenging for beer and attempting to build rudimentary shelters and squirrel catchers. Many...

April 3rd, 2011