Articles by: Deedee Anderson

Area Mom Wants You To Know You Can Feel Comfortable Crying To Her, In Fact It’s Fun For Her

May 30, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Area Mom Wants You To Know You Can Feel Comfortable Crying To Her, In Fact It’s Fun For Her
Area Mom Wants You To Know You Can Feel Comfortable Crying To Her, In Fact It’s Fun For Her

CINCINATTI, OH — Enveloping your hand in hers across the dinner table, area mom wants you to know that you don’t have to worry about her – she would truly take delight in watching you cry about the state of your depressing life. “Honey, it’s okay. You don’t have to […]

Read more ›

Op-Ed: I Can Detach My Jaw Like an Anaconda in Order to Eat Eggplants Vertically

May 15, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Op-Ed: I Can Detach My Jaw Like an Anaconda in Order to Eat Eggplants Vertically
Op-Ed: I Can Detach My Jaw Like an Anaconda in Order to Eat Eggplants Vertically

Yes, I have the ability to detach my upper jaw from my lower jaw so that my teeth can be separated by a greater distance in order to eat certain vegetables vertically. Typically, the vegetable in question is an eggplant. Once my jaw is detached, I am constrained only by […]

Read more ›

Students Joining “Fuck Caterpillars” Club Confused If Sexytime Fuck or Derogatory Fuck

May 8, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Students Joining “Fuck Caterpillars” Club Confused If Sexytime Fuck or Derogatory Fuck
Students Joining “Fuck Caterpillars” Club Confused If Sexytime Fuck or Derogatory Fuck

STANFORD – As a larger and larger crowd built at Old Union for Stanford’s new “Fuck Caterpillars” club, it became clear that some students were confused as to whether “Fuck” referred to the physical act of love-making or the popular vernacular expression of contempt, sources confirmed Sunday. Even following the […]

Read more ›

OpEd: I totally screwed my Roo by framing him for murder

May 1, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on OpEd: I totally screwed my Roo by framing him for murder
OpEd: I totally screwed my Roo by framing him for murder

Hey, Gibby here. I know there’s technically no “winner” of Screw your Roo, an event put on in most freshmen dorms to help get your roommate screwed, but if there was, I might as well be handed the prize right now. Rather than going the normal route of setting my […]

Read more ›

OpEd: As A Serial Killer Who Only Kills Women, I’d Like To Thank Women

March 19, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on OpEd: As A Serial Killer Who Only Kills Women, I’d Like To Thank Women
OpEd: As A Serial Killer Who Only Kills Women, I’d Like To Thank Women

As National Women’s Day came and went last week, I realized my tremendous oversight in not publicly thanking women for all they have done for me in my life. As a serial killer who only kills women, there’s no way I could have gotten to where I am today without […]

Read more ›

Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark

February 27, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark
Marc Tessier-Lavigne to Allow Two Hottest People From Each Dorm to Get On Ark

STANFORD, CA — As the threat of flood increases each day of this rainy season at Stanford, Marc Tessier-Lavigne has announced a plan for the two hottest people from each dorm to begin boarding his ark. “At some point everyone will have to accept the reality of this armageddon flood […]

Read more ›

Remember, Your Body Is Just A Vessel For Getting Good Grades

February 21, 2017 12:00 pmComments Off on Remember, Your Body Is Just A Vessel For Getting Good Grades
Remember, Your Body Is Just A Vessel For Getting Good Grades

In this crazy roller coaster called college, it’s very easy to lose perspective. Us students often have a hard time seeing the bigger picture, and small issues tend to get blown way out of proportion. I’m here to kindly remind you: not everything in life is as important as your […]

Read more ›

Classifieds: Don’t Forget About Dan’s Marathon!

12:00 pmComments Off on Classifieds: Don’t Forget About Dan’s Marathon!
Classifieds: Don’t Forget About Dan’s Marathon!

Hope everybody had a great time at Dance Marathon last Saturday, it seemed like a great event for a great cause. I just thought I’d pipe in and remind you that my similar dance event, Dan’s Marathon will be taking place this coming weekend. I’d love to see you there! […]

Read more ›

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Secretly Ruth Gator Binsborg, Alligator Cyber Woman

12:00 pmComments Off on Ruth Bader Ginsburg Secretly Ruth Gator Binsborg, Alligator Cyber Woman
Ruth Bader Ginsburg Secretly Ruth Gator Binsborg, Alligator Cyber Woman
Read more ›

Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

December 5, 2016 12:00 pmComments Off on Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot
Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

Dear RCC, 
 Whether it was a classic Holiday mix-up, or it’s been that way all along, I have some suspicions that my computer (previously thought to be a standard word-processing container) is in fact a crockpot. My first issue with this came up when I tried to turn in […]

Read more ›