Articles by: David Abrams

Stanford University Secedes From The Union

November 5, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Stanford University Secedes From The Union
Stanford University Secedes From The Union

STANFORD, CA- After meeting with the heads of every academic department, the provost and vice-provost, Dean Julie, Condoleezza Rice, and Andrew Luck, President John L. Hennessy announced this morning that Stanford would be seceding from the union. Said Hennessy, “We feel that as a University, we would function more successfully […]

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Stanford Med School: Mother’s Kisses Contain Healing Power

October 24, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Stanford Med School: Mother’s Kisses Contain Healing Power
Stanford Med School: Mother’s Kisses Contain Healing Power

STANFORD, CA—The worst dreams of Band-Aid® have finally come true. At the culmination of a 4-year study, a group of Stanford Medical students have confirmed that a mother’s kiss will indeed heal her son’s boo-boos. The announcement came through the head of the Stanford Medical School, Ph.D and M.D. Dr. […]

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NBA Cancels Games to Allow Fans to Focus on the NFL

October 19, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on NBA Cancels Games to Allow Fans to Focus on the NFL
NBA Cancels Games to Allow Fans to Focus on the NFL

NEW YORK CITY—After several hours of intense deliberation, David Stern, commissioner of the NBA, officially cancelled the first two weeks of the league’s scheduled season. At his press conference, Stern told the crowd, “I’m pleased to announce that this cancellation will allow our fans to fully concentrate on the NFL […]

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Public Schools Get Day Off Of School To Honor Mass Murderer

October 18, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Public Schools Get Day Off Of School To Honor Mass Murderer
Public Schools Get Day Off Of School To Honor Mass Murderer

TOLEDO, OH—Gardner Elementary School students had no school this past Monday to honor the national holiday, Columbus Day. Local 4th grader Benjamin Levin was ecstatic when he woke up and his mother reminded him there was no school. “I don’t even have to shower today!” said the 10-year old. “In […]

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