Articles by: Carter Kremer

Pandas Say “Fuck It,” Go Extinct

October 20, 2014 12:00 pmComments Off on Pandas Say “Fuck It,” Go Extinct
Pandas Say “Fuck It,” Go Extinct

Earlier this week, zoologists and animal lovers around the globe were shocked to find that the pandas of the world had collectively decided to give up and go extinct. After decades of conservation efforts, these giant bears, often viewed as the “stoners” of the animal kingdom, decided it just wasn’t […]

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New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp

October 16, 2014 8:00 amComments Off on New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp
New Meditation Center Converted to Sexile Refugee Camp

Campus life took a depressing turn earlier this week, as sexiled freshmen began to set up camp in the Windhover Contemplative Center. This brand new building, established to facilitate meditation and tranquility for the greater community, has quickly devolved into a makeshift living space for displaced frosh. Just four weeks […]

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