CoHo On Probation for Serving Alcohol during Admit Weekend

April 30th, 2012

Ogwumike Selected No. 1 in WNBA Draft, Relegated to Life of Poverty and Anonymity

While the campus and football world have been abuzz with the expectation that Andrew Luck will be selected with the first overall pick in the NFL draft, senior Nnemkadi Ogwumike was silently selected with the number one pick in the WNBA draft last Monday, tragically subjecting her to a future life of...

April 23rd, 2012

Santorum Aborts Campaign

April 16th, 2012

God Tells GOP Candidate to Run to Increase Obama’s Chances

November 29th, 2011

Hennessy: “Fuck it, We’re Going to be a Football School.”

After several years of continued success on the gridiron, President Hennessy announced that Stanford University would transfer all funds dedicated to academics to the championship-contending football program. “Honestly, the average American does not give two shits that we’re one of the best academic...

October 31st, 2011

Stanford Women Run Marathon, Waste Time, Energy, Money

SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Waking up far too early and paying far too much money to run far much too long a distance, dozens of Stanford women headed north to San Francisco for the Nike Women’s Half-Marathon this past Sunday. “I feel really validated now that I’ve run an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary...

October 24th, 2011