Articles by: Ben Lubkin

Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

February 10, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden
Report: Freshmen Male Asked if He is Pregnant at Vaden

An embarrassed and shocked freshmen male was reportedly asked if he was pregnant when he went to Vaden Health Center last week for a cold. The freshman, Jessie Stern, was mistaken for a girl due to his feminine name and long, flowing hair. Vaden issued a press release this week […]

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Wave of Taco Bell Employees Apply to Stanford Knight Management School

January 20, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Wave of Taco Bell Employees Apply to Stanford Knight Management School
Wave of Taco Bell Employees Apply to Stanford Knight Management School

In anticipation of the opening of the Knight School of Management this spring, a wave of Taco Bell employees arrived on campus this week. These workers said that they were looking for a step up in managing the graveyard shift. The Flipside caught up with Juan Zelchez at the construction […]

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Iraqi Government Correction

November 15, 2010 9:00 amComments Off on Iraqi Government Correction
Iraqi Government Correction

Correction: The Stanford Flipside apologizes for inaccurately announcing the formation of a new Iraqi Government at 1:14 PM Tuesday, November 9th. Apparently the breakthrough government, formed at 1:10 PM had already collapsed by 1:13 PM.

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Report: Republicans Excited To Have Boehner as Congress Speaker

November 9, 2010 10:16 amComments Off on Report: Republicans Excited To Have Boehner as Congress Speaker
Report: Republicans Excited To Have Boehner as Congress Speaker

After a flop for democratic softies in the Midterm Elections, Republicans are excited that Representative John Boehner will serve as head of the house in 2011. “This was a hard race for me and all of the Republicans,” Boehner said in an emotional speech following his victory, “but our victory […]

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New Study Reveals Low Alcohol Poisoning Rates in Bulimics

November 3, 2010 12:00 pmComments Off on New Study Reveals Low Alcohol Poisoning Rates in Bulimics
New Study Reveals Low Alcohol Poisoning Rates in Bulimics

A new study from the Stanford School of Medicine reveals that adolescent females with the eating disorder bulimia are apparently immune to alcohol-related sickness. “Our preliminary conclusion is that bulimic patients must suffer from a genetic mutation that prevents the absorption of ethanol into the blood stream,” stated Stanford geneticist […]

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Jack Unsure If Full Moon Hookup Meant Anything

October 24, 2010 2:55 pmComments Off on Jack Unsure If Full Moon Hookup Meant Anything
Jack Unsure If Full Moon Hookup Meant Anything

Jack finally hooked up with Jill at Full Moon on the Quad Monday, which concluded a week-long period of awkward hugs and sexual comments between the two. “It was only her fourth kiss of the night, so it may have meant something,” he stated. “She doesn’t need to know that […]

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Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup

September 15, 2010 3:36 pmComments Off on Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup
Esoteric African Security Buffs Convene on Campus in Logistical Mixup

Stanford freshmen arrived on campus Tuesday to find themselves amidst a historical security conference that will forever redefine the meaning of NSO. In what may be the largest misinformed event since Operation Iraqi Freedom, the world of security professionals and hobbyists convened for the first annual conference for remembering the […]

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Cardinal Implicated in Abuse Scandal

May 9, 2010 4:33 pm0 comments
Cardinal Implicated in Abuse Scandal
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Report: Terrorist Abdulmutallab “Was Never Good at Chemistry”



January 10, 2010 9:17 pm0 comments
Report: Terrorist Abdulmutallab “Was Never Good at Chemistry”



        Weeks after Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab failed to ignite an explosive on Northwest Airlines Flight 253, Abdulmutallab’s high school chemistry teacher, Akeju Khaled, reported that the terrorist had at best mediocre chemistry skills. In the attempted attack, Abdulmutallab failed to correctly combine explosive chemicals.             In the report, Khaled stated […]

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TSA Institutes Colonoscopy Screening; Security Literally a Pain in the Ass

9:10 pm0 comments
TSA Institutes Colonoscopy Screening; Security Literally a Pain in the Ass
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