US Military Unveils Dog Capable of Smelling Hatred of America

A US military official recently announced the arrival of a groundbreaking new line of tracker dogs reportedly capable of smelling people’s hatred of America. “We needed an alternative to racial profiling,” said US military researcher Jonathan Greeley. “Everyone knows that judging a person by...

May 24th, 2011

Bin Laden Receives Both Criticism And Praise For Porno Stash

US military officials recently revealed that they had found a large archive of pornography in Osama Bin Laden’s compound. Analysts say this development will likely tarnish Bin Laden’s image within the predominantly conservative terrorist organizations. Aalam Bashir, a fur merchant from Pakistan,...

May 15th, 2011

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Now 25% Cheesier!

Kraft Foods recently unveiled a 25% cheesier version of its popular Macaroni & Cheese line of products. Cheesiness ratings are overseen and managed by the Schleiermacher Food Sciences Association. The SFSA utilizes the Nomnom scale, where one cheddar (chdr) is equal in cheesiness density to a standard...

April 9th, 2011

Cruz/Macgregor-Dennis Vow to Stop Spamming Your Inbox If Elected

April 7th, 2011

Mideast Dictators Suffering From Low Self-Esteem, Also Civil War

April 6th, 2011

Local Tiger Brags About Having Charlie Sheen Blood

April 6th, 2011

Student’s Social Life Completely Reinvigorated by Quirky New Haircut

March 28th, 2011

Invacare Releases New Pedal-Powered Wheelchairs

Invacare, a leading manufacturer of homecare products, has released its long-awaited line of pedal-powered wheelchairs, the Pedal Glides. “A person’s arms are usually nowhere near as powerful as their legs,” said Invacare CEO Gerald Blouch, at the Pedal Glide release party. “Now when wheelchair...

March 11th, 2011

Critics Condemn/Applaud Obama’s Saying of Words

Yesterday, Obama took the opportunity to say words, a rare event that only occurs several times each day. Many political pundits have applauded Obama’s recent words, hailing them as a shaping force with the potential to change America–and the world–for the better. “Obama’s words have...

March 9th, 2011

Vicious TriDelt Pillow Fight Leaves 7 Dead, 16 Wounded

Stanford students were shocked by a recent case of lighthearted playing gone horribly wrong. What started out as an impromptu pillow fight quickly devolved into a bloodbath. “Me and Laura were baking pancakes in the kitchen when we heard noises in the activity room,” said Heather Croft, survivor...

March 6th, 2011