Senior Still Hasn’t Come to Terms with Fact That They’ll Never Vomit Cajun Fries into an Old Union Toilet Again Sitting absentmindedly on the couch, watching their ninth consecutive episode of Netflix… Byron CalabasasJune 23, 2020
350 Articles Opinion Year 12 Oops: I Changed My Zoom Display Name to the True Name of Yahweh and My Professor Exploded in a Plume of Brimstone Earlier today during lecture, I was messing around on Zoom and noticed… Byron CalabasasMay 26, 2020
349 Articles Life Year 12 Study: Young Men Who Play Violent, Serpentine Video Games More Likely to Eat Lots of Apples, Grow Incrementally Longer A new study by the Stanford psychology department appears to confirm parents’… Byron CalabasasMay 17, 2020
Stanford to Bring Back All Those Experiments from the ‘60s Where They’d, Like, Give Teenagers Shrooms and Then Electrocute Them Facing a budget shortfall amid the coronavirus crisis, the Stanford administration has… Byron CalabasasMay 12, 2020
346 Articles Life Year 12 Professor’s Virtual Background Briefly Disappears to Reveal Dallas, TX in the Fall of ‘63 An online session of ‘MATH 84: Non-Sequential Arrays’ conducted through Zoom video-conferencing… Byron CalabasasApril 26, 2020
345 Articles Environment Year 12 The Resilience of Mother Earth: With Students Gone, Those Ten-Foot Centipedes from the Paleozoic Era Have Finally Returned to Campus As the coronavirus pandemic sweeps the planet — forcing people to self-quarantine… Byron CalabasasApril 24, 2020
344 Articles Politics Year 12 Senators Embarrassed to Realize They Wore Same Goat Mask to Ritual Orgy BOHEMIAN GROVE, CA — Noticing one another from across the foyer of… Byron CalabasasApril 19, 2020
Aspiring Serial Killer Frustrated That All the Coolest MO’s Already Taken Furrowing his brow, aspiring serial killer Joseph Michael Evans expressed frustration earlier… Byron CalabasasApril 18, 2020
Oh No! 27th Consecutive Housing Email This Week Actually Contained Information Necessary for You to Graduate Following their first 26 emails this week, which contained zero relevant information… Byron CalabasasApril 18, 2020
338 Articles Politics Year 12 Facing Impeachment, Trump Recruits the One Man He Hoped He’d Never Have to Ask for Help: Duke Vengeance, PI As the stresses of his impeachment process slowly build, sources within the… Byron CalabasasFebruary 2, 2020
