Articles by: Adam Adler

NFL Rejects NRA’s “The Only Thing That Can Stop a Bad Guy With a Football is a Good Guy With a Football” Proposal to Use Two Footballs in Super Bowl

February 4, 2013 12:01 pmComments Off on NFL Rejects NRA’s “The Only Thing That Can Stop a Bad Guy With a Football is a Good Guy With a Football” Proposal to Use Two Footballs in Super Bowl
NFL Rejects NRA’s “The Only Thing That Can Stop a Bad Guy With a Football is a Good Guy With a Football” Proposal to Use Two Footballs in Super Bowl
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Student Lofts Desk to Save Space

October 3, 2012 10:40 pmComments Off on Student Lofts Desk to Save Space
Student Lofts Desk to Save Space
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Give Your Senior Gift to The Stanford Flipside

May 29, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Give Your Senior Gift to The Stanford Flipside
Give Your Senior Gift to The Stanford Flipside

So here we are. In just a few weeks’ time, you’ll have graduated, received your degree, and started a new chapter in your life. Let’s take this opportunity to reflect on the past four years and to thank those who made it possible: your parents, your friends, your professors, and […]

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Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things

May 16, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things
Obama Can’t Stop Taking Stances on Things

They say all addictions start with a first step. For some, that step is the puff of a joint. For others, it’s the tingling sensation of playing a slot machine, but for Barack Obama, that first step was announcing his stance on gay marriage. Last week, on national television, Obama […]

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Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?

May 14, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?
Opinion: Why Haven’t Zimbroff/Wagstaff Done Anything Yet?

I like to think I’m a patient guy. I can watch the pot until it boils and I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit waiting in a line that went nowhere–but even I have my limits. Even I reach a point where I have to stop and say, […]

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Board of Trustees To Buy $4.2 Million of “Contemplation Toilets”

April 30, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Board of Trustees To Buy $4.2 Million of “Contemplation Toilets”
Board of Trustees To Buy $4.2 Million of “Contemplation Toilets”

After an extensive study regarding the contemplation resources available on campus, the Stanford Board of Trustees took a decisive action in a vote this past week and designated 4.2 million dollars for construction of contemplation toilets. Board member Louis Calloway explained, “We’ve realized that students here just weren’t doing enough […]

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ASSU Election Proceeds Smoothly, Without Drama

April 16, 2012 6:01 amComments Off on ASSU Election Proceeds Smoothly, Without Drama
ASSU Election Proceeds Smoothly, Without Drama

Stanford sources are pleased to report that last week’s election proceeded unusually smoothly and without the melodrama and fuss that typically accompanies ASSU elections. “Nothing really happening here,” said ASSU Elections Commissioner Adam Adler, as he made the final move in a game of computer solitaire. “Normally, elections are filled […]

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Supreme Court Responds to Obama “Smack Talk,” Demands Arm Wrestle

April 10, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Supreme Court Responds to Obama “Smack Talk,” Demands Arm Wrestle
Supreme Court Responds to Obama “Smack Talk,” Demands Arm Wrestle

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In response to a series of defiant and controversial statements made by President Obama, the Supreme Court issued a unanimous decision requiring Obama to “put up or shut up” by facing off against Chief Justice John Roberts in a nationally televised, high stakes arm-wrestle. Writing for the majority, Roberts […]

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OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games

April 9, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games
OAPE Selects 24 Random Freshman to Participate in the Drinking Games

In a yearly celebration designed to remember the horrors of excess alcohol consumption and the Great Alcohol Transport of 1994, Stanford will celebrate the Drinking Games this week. Last week, one boy and one girl were selected from each freshman dorm in an event known as the Draw. These students, […]

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Lottery Win Brings Fame, Fortune, Success to Area Man Willard “Mitt” Romney

April 4, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Lottery Win Brings Fame, Fortune, Success to Area Man Willard “Mitt” Romney
Lottery Win Brings Fame, Fortune, Success to Area Man Willard “Mitt” Romney

Red Bud, IL—Last Friday, three lucky winners earned a share of the $656 million lottery jackpot, the largest in United States history. While two of the three winners have yet to be identified, one of the winners, Willard “Mitt” Romney, has decided to come forward and share his story of […]

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