Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

February 19, 2018 2:00 pm
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Self-Declared “90s Kid” Unable to Name Cultural Touchstone Other than Furby

Residents of freshman dorm Cedro were reportedly taken aback earlier this week when, in the midst of a nostalgia-driven midnight conversation, self-declared “90s kid” Gregor Alandra was unable to identify a single cultural touchstone from that decade other than Furbies.

“Ah yes, the nineteen-nineties, a decade most glorious indeed,” explained Alandra when pressed for clarification. “Yes, 1990, age of Furby, the great mechanical bird of legend. When us, the youths, were birthed, in my opinion.”

“I remember it dearly,” he continued with a wistful sigh. “Yet all the same, I shudder to recall the Furbies, wrathful wingéd rodents of yore, and the scourge they ravaged upon us, thine children of the 19th and 90 epoch.”

Alandra’s dorm-mates were left confused, uncomfortable, and more than anything else, skeptical.

“Look, Furbies are great,” said fellow Cedro resident Susanna Ewan. “We all love Furbies. But, come on, there’s more to the 90s than just Furby, fearsome fiend of fable and folklore. Like, for instance, the Seinfeld lads, or Adobe Photoshop.”

“Not to mention one particularly horny president we all know and love,” she added with a sly wink before pulling out a saxophone and playing the Blockbuster Videos theme song. “Can someone ever really be a 90s kid if all they know about is the dreaded Mr. Furby?”

When Ewan investigated Alandra’s Facebook to get more insight, however, all she found was scanned black-and-white photos of Alandra, covered in several dozen Furbies and looking not a day younger. Even stranger, the pictures had seemingly been posted in the early 2000s, several years before Facebook was to be invented.

“Ah yes, my fine Furby friends and I, frolicking as we did in the mid- to late-1990s,” Alandra noted calmly when confronted about the posts. “Taken from my daguerreotype, of course — the best contraption, I do declare, for capturing the lithe Furby form.”

As of press time, both Alandra and Ewan had disappeared, nothing but a lone Furby claw left resting upon each of their pillows to indicate that they’d ever lived at all.