Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

February 20, 2018 12:00 pm
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Meet the 2018 Line of American Girl Dolls!

Watch out, exciting news ahead! That’s right, industry giant American Girl Doll just announced their 2018 line of new dolls, and wow, are there some fun ones. They’re some modern dolls for a modern world, so read below to become properly acquainted with America’s favorite dolls!

1. Kelly: In her words, the only American Girl Doll! Kelly is pretty unapologetically xenophobic and tells you to go back to where you came from when you press the speech button in her hand. She’s also exhibited some fascist tendencies, so there’s a lot going on there. What a hoot!

2. Maria: This little lady is super concussed! Her pupils are alarmingly dilated and at slightly different sizes, and she has absolutely no idea what’s going on. Maria has this charming, dreamy gleam in her eyes, on account of them not being able to focus on anything in front of her. She is also always nauseous and will throw up on you. Talk about fun!

3. Drüt: She was once Sutton, a chic city girl with a passion for photography, but someone left her in a really hot car. She melted a LOT and started emitting some pretty weird smelling gases—hence, Drüt was born! Press the melted together fingers that now collectively form her hand to hear her classic catchphrases like, “I will exact my vengeance on all of those who have wronged me. I will bring upon them a nightmare as hellish and as excruciating as that unjustly wrought upon my soul. None shall escape the talons of my comeuppance.” So quirky, am I right?

4. Nia: The gay one. Nice!

5. Sofia: Always smells like sulfur and wears a mismatching pantsuit. That’s kind of neat! Her matching companion animal is a small, grizzled raccoon, and let me tell you, they are quite the fun duo.

6. Tati: Tati just has wayyyy too many teeth and is proud of it—you can’t stop this girl from grinning her jarringly toothy grin. She has 62 teeth, and they’re falling out all the time! They grow back almost immediately, which is a little strange, but I wouldn’t ask questions!

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