Fucking Christ: This Artist Envisioned What Each Disney Princess Would Look Like if They Were a Type of Goddam Grain

January 17, 2018 12:00 pm
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Fucking Christ: This Artist Envisioned What Each Disney Princess Would Look Like if They Were a Type of Goddam Grain

Shit me to hell… another mediocre artist has just released a bullshit project built around the Disney princesses, this time with the half-baked conceit of depicting each one as a different variety of grain.

Jesus shitting fuck, let’s just get this over with.

Belle

Belle is originally from Beauty and the Beast, but here, she’s a handful of rye seeds. Is this… is this supposed to be political? I legitimately want to understand the thought process that led to this existing.

Ariel

The little mermaid has red hair, right? Right? So when the artist labeled this bowl of finger millet “Princess Ariel,” at least there was some thought put into it. But honestly, that sort of makes it even sadder, right?

Merida

This is the one with the bow and arrows, right? But isn’t that a Pixar film? Like, it’s not even the same animation style, you know? Anyways, barley.

Mulan

Uhhh… this is Mulan, and here, she’s emmer. Which is evidently a type of grain, I guess? I dunno, who gives a flying fuck.

Spelt

I accidentally wrote spelt, the grain, instead of Tiana, the princess. But at this point, who is even reading? Like, legitimately, what was the intended audience of this project?

Cinderella

I have a journalism degree from Northwestern. A fucking masters. Fuck.

Aurora

Shit me to death, I want to die.

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