Author Uses Obscure Definition Of “Ejaculate” Like That’s Totally Normal

April 15, 2017 9:00 am
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Author Uses Obscure Definition Of “Ejaculate” Like That’s Totally Normal

Students in PWR 2: Rhetoric of Feeling have reported that in their most recent reading for the class, the author in their infinite wisdom chose to replace all instances of “said” with the word “ejaculate” as if that was a totally ordinary usage for the term. While one of the definitions of “ejaculate” does indeed mean “to say something quickly and suddenly”, it is unclear as to why the author insisted on using this definition repeatedly.

“It’s not in the slightest bit sexy,” reported Jacob Lexington, ’19. “Like it would be one thing if it was thematically tied in to a romantic exchange or otherwise encouraged a sexual subtext, but I really can’t stress how totally not sexy this reading was.”

Other students felt similarly about the content: “Look, I’ve read Freud, I’ve read Kafka, I get psychosexual alienation okay?” said a student who asked not to be named. “But this was just totally bizarre and inappropriate, like the characters were just sitting around in a room talking about coffee.”

As of press time, the professor is still pretending that everything is ok and that nothing is out of the ordinary.

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