Bop It Unveils Wildly Unpopular New “Suck It” Feature

March 6, 2017 12:00 pm
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Bop It Unveils Wildly Unpopular New “Suck It” Feature

Earlier this week, Bop It, the popular Hasbro toy first unveiled in the late 1990s, received a much-needed facelift after many years of devoted service to entertaining. Joining the ranks of the classic “Bop It,” “Twist It,” and “Pull It” is the new, extremely controversial “SUCK IT” feature, which many users are concerned is “gross,” “unsanitary,” and “almost certainly sexual.”

The game designers at Bop It have clearly put a lot of thought and effort into making the SUCK IT feature (note: this is the only one with all capital letters) function as efficiently as possible, despite being despised. “We’ve integrated the most advanced moisture-sensing technology into this state-of-the-art toy,” said designer Toni Verikson. “The game will truly be able to tell whether you’re actually sucking on the feature or not. This is a major feat in game technology.”

The backside of the Bop It now has an extrusion labeled SUCK IT where toy users are to place their lips and suck, or else they will lose the game they are playing. “I hate this,” reported Tristen Farsa, a 26-year-old beta tester of the new feature. “At first I refused to suck anything, but I kept losing after 2 or 3 instructions. Sometimes 4 instructions. Then I tried it, but the entire game started to whistle as I did it. Why would you make it do that? Who would want this.”

Despite the near-unanimous negative feedback, the Bop It will go ahead and retain the feature in all future editions. Going forward, there are plans for a “Cup It,” “Crunch It,” and “Rub Me” feature.

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