Trump Family Probably Actually Just A Set of Russian Nesting Dolls

February 9, 2017 12:00 pm
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Trump Family Probably Actually Just A Set of Russian Nesting Dolls

Recently, news sources have been claiming that there may finally be an explanation to all of the peculiarities to the Trump family and administration—the Trump family is actually just a set of Russian nesting dolls. Supporters of this theory argue that this is why Trump wants to keep his children close to him within the White House administration, because nesting dolls feel incomplete without being together. This would also explain Trump’s lack of care in his position, complete uncertainty as to what to do, as well as utter disregard for helping the United States in any capacity. Because he’s a fucking nesting doll.

Famous Russian nesting doll maker, Vasily Zvyozdochkin, claims that this is an extremely plausible hypothesis. “The outer doll is typically a woman wearing a dress, which can assumed to be Melania. The innermost is typically a baby, I presume, with great confidence, is one of the grandkids of Trump. As the dolls typically have coloration added to their forms and they have a certain expression about them, this would also very much go to explain why Trump is so orange and why Melania always appears to have taken a bit of a bad piece of a Trump steak and then proceeded to attempt to pretend that it’s wonderful.”

An urban myth that has recently been spreading around the story that if children are quiet enough at night, they can hear the clickety-clacking sounds of the Trump family nesting together for the night within the White House walls. On the bright side, at least the United States may have its first Russian president.

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