RENO, NV – Last week, police arrested the Muffin Man, 59, in a residential area of Reno, Nevada after receiving disturbing reports from neighbors. Local residents called police after the Muffin Man reportedly began violently knocking on doors asking for a ride to Drury Lane while wearing nothing but a mangled apron and a chef’s hat full of baking soda as a sock. The nursery rhyme star was taken into custody for disorderly conduct once police found him drunkenly stumbling through an elementary school playground and demanding that the slide return what was his “by right.”
The notorious pastry maker was also charged with resisting arrest after attempting to escape the police. When approached, the Muffin Man tried to run away, screaming “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” and a number of racial slurs. An officer sustained minor injuries after struggling with the suspect—who was shot with a taser three times to no avail—in the parking lot of a Carl’s Jr. Spectators were horrified to see the man whom they had once sung about fight off three police officers with a wooden spoon.
The Muffin Man has not yet been able to post bail given financial difficulties after the Food Safety and Inspection Service closed his bakery. Moreover, because he is a repeat offender of this sort of misdemeanor, he may indeed face some jail time for his latest actions.