Roommate Exiled to Svalbard

January 30, 2017 12:00 pm
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Roommate Exiled to Svalbard

In an unfortunate misunderstanding, sophomore Eric Robertson was exiled by his roommate late last Friday night to the remote Norwegian island of Svalbard in the high arctic.

According to various residents of Crothers Hall, the dorm where the exiling occurred, Eric and his room mate were seen conversing quietly before an agreement seemed to be reached, upon which time Robertson left abruptly to search for an alternate place to stay.

“Yeah, we were talking and my roommate mentioned to me that he and his girlfriend needed the room and that I was going to get exiled,” said Robertson in an interview from an abandoned snow shelter. I assumed he just misspoke and that he was planning on having a romantic sex night or something, and needed the room for a bit. So I said ‘No worries, I’ll find somewhere else to go for a while.’ I didn’t really understand what I was agreeing to.”

Soon after leaving his room, Robertson was met by government agents who escorted him to San Francisco International airport. Once there, he was immediately boarded onto a seaplane headed North with explicit instructions not to return.

“I thought I just needed to leave for a few hours,” continued a shivering Robertson, “I thought maybe I’d crash somewhere else for the night but actually I’m not supposed to come back at all, even back into the country I think. They took away my passport.”

Robertson was last seen on an ice float foolishly attempting to spear fish, unsure of how to return to his room and also not wanting to interrupt anything for his roommate.

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