Motionless Homeless Man Probably Fine

January 25, 2016 12:00 pm
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Motionless Homeless Man Probably Fine

PALO ALTO, CA—Reports are flooding in that the homeless man in a bundle of quilts and sleeping bag lying outside the Shop & Go is probably fine, despite his not having moved for the better part of an hour.

“Yeah, that guy seems like, super still,” commented a woman waiting for the bus nearby, looking at the man apprehensively. “I hope he’s okay,” she went on, “but like, he’s probably fine, right?” Such sentiments have been echoed by regulars of the Shop & Go and various passers by, who seem marginally confident that the man is probably sleeping or something. Either way, they probably shouldn’t intrude; it’s not their business.

“Don’t touch that man honey,” said a passing mother to her eight-year-old daughter.  “We have a lot of errands to run; we don’t have time. Honey, please, we donated your old sweaters this year. We’ve done our part, okay?”

Fredrich Smitt, the Shop & Go’s owner, nodded in agreement. “He’s definitely okay,” Smitt commented, “Please stop asking about him.”

As of press time, the homeless man could not be reached for comment, but is probably okay.