Despite fears that she would wind up spending another summer working for her local lamestream news rag, junior Stephanie Flores learned Sunday that she had landed a prime internship with the global liberal media conspiracy.
“It’s so exciting,” she said, proudly scrolling through the homepage of CNN. “They said I’ll be in charge of managing the conspiracy’s social media presence, but they might also let me consult on communist undertones in kids movies. I even got to talk with their pointman for Radical Leftist Professor Hiring. I just can’t wait for June!”
Flores, a long-time admirer of such socialist peddlers as Anderson Cooper, had reportedly been gunning for the position since well before declaring her major in communications. With help from connections in departments and friends from her synagogue, she was finally able to make sure the right people saw her prolific, subliminally-lefty work for the Daily.
“I really never thought I had a shot,” she explained. “A year ago, I was barely sharing articles from the Huffington Post. Now I’ll be hacking Facebook’s newfeed to keep All Lives Matter posts out of sight. My parents will be so proud of me.”