Op-Ed: Cabo Was, Like, No Distraction from the Triviality of Existence!

March 30, 2015 12:01 pm
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Op-Ed: Cabo Was, Like, No Distraction from the Triviality of Existence!

Wait I have to show you pictures from break! Seriously, we had the craziest view from our balcony- you could almost forget that every one of us will one day crumble to dust, that we, like the waves, are only a fleeting movement in the ebb and flow of time!

We stayed right next to the beach, and the boys there were so hot. Though their visual beauty is only an illusion that will soon fade to reveal the ugliness of their spirit, I didn’t pay for any drinks all week! It was all so Cabo. We would sleep in until noon, party on the beach all day, hit the clubs at night, and by morning begin to question whether our petty diversions had ever actually satisfied us.

I saw so much crazy shit in Cabo. People were twerking all over the beach, frivolously attempting to conceptualize their own finitude, and this one guy actually broke his jaw trying to do a kegstand! It is only through such folly that we can ignore death’s looming guarantee. Turn down for the triviality of our existence!

I don’t even know how I’ll make it through this week. I’m so tired and hungover! Such is the penance one must endure to shoulder the crushing weight of existence. But hey, at least my diet paid off. Not to brag, but I’m pretty sure I rocked that string bikini. Indeed, the pain of self-denial is the lens through which true beauty may be revealed, and it is only through suffering that humans may find the purest form of expression.

Like the moon, I am forever distant, a mystery to all who gaze upon me. But wait until everyone sees how tan I am now!

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