Op-Ed: Is That Guy Over There An Asshole Cigarette Smoker or a Cool Weed Smoker?

October 13, 2014 12:00 pm
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Op-Ed: Is That Guy Over There An Asshole Cigarette Smoker or a Cool Weed Smoker?

Hmmm. That cloud of smoke. The red light off the end of whatever it is that guy’s smoking. The distant smell of… of… goddammit, did he pay NO attention in health class? Or… is it that he’s refusing to care about what The Man says he can do with his body? Is that guy smoking cigarettes or weed? He’s either playing some serious games with his own life or being totally open-minded about alternative lifestyles. That fuck(ing cool dude).

Smell that. Don’t you get the whiff of chemicals? Of the tar, the rocket fuel, and the human flesh that those corporate fat-cats put in their cigarettes? It’s revolting. It’s amoral. It’s… wait, no, that’s definitely some Jamaican Purple Nurple Kush. Mmmm, damn, that smells dank. Tell me you’re getting that scent! That’s some grade-A dispensary shit right there. God, I wonder if he’d be down to share a bit. I can’t pass this up in good conscience. I think.

In ten years, that guy will be running some super awesome tech company with the idea he got while listening to Dark Side of the Moon. Unless those are cigarettes. In that case, we can’t count on him living past thirty. Just like the rest of them.

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