Child Obesity Drops 45% Due to Diet of Cigarettes, Black Coffee

March 3, 2014 12:00 pm
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Child Obesity Drops 45% Due to Diet of Cigarettes, Black Coffee

According to a recent study performed by the Journal of the American Medical Association, there has been a drop in childhood obesity in the past decade from 13.9 to 8.4%.  Researchers attribute this phenomenon on a macro-level to the rapidly changing diet of 2 to 5 year olds.

“We have found that parents have their kids on an entirely different diet now, mostly consisting of a pack of cigs and black coffee,” says Robert Woodburn, who worked on the study.  “These kids are just less hungry and we’ve seen the constant snacking that once defined American childhood replaced with frequent smoke breaks. It is really quite remarkable.”

These findings have sparked new childhood weight management programs that may transform the parenting industry, as self-help books take over the market, like Woodburn’s Nicotine and You (And Your Beach-Ready Baby!).  Some parents have also claimed that the diet is even more effective when supplemented with early exposure to media sources like fashion magazines.  Says one proud mother: “I am getting the message to my little Annie right away that if she wants to be happy and healthy, she needs to lose at least three pounds before we get her in front of the camera.  She is really responsive to this these days, though we often have to put whitening strips on those coffee-stained baby teeth, at least until they fall out.”

The real question still remains, however: is this just the latest child-rearing fad, or is this unique diet the solution to the epidemic of childhood obesity?

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