Freshman Has It All Figured Out

December 2, 2013 12:00 pm
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Freshman Has It All Figured Out

Have a question? Then talk to the man with all the answers. In the lead up to his first final at Stanford, current freshman Martin Carlson is very certain that he has it all figured out. When reached for comment, Carlson noted, “I think I’ve got it down. I’m well on my way to achieving everything I thought possible at this institution, and it’s only taken me nine weeks to get there.” Carlson, who is taking a work-heavy load of 13 units, has also made sure to leave himself time for a burgeoning social life. “I go hard on the weekends,” Carlson said, “Work hard, play hard; that’s my motto. But I wouldn’t dare go out if I wasn’t sure that I had everything under control, as far as school is concerned.”

According to Carlson, many elements in his life have just come together, really solidifying his knowledge and practice of the Stanford lifestyle. He has recently discovered Arrillaga Late Night, and just last week paid his first visit to Sigma Chi. These are experiences that Carlson is certain not many freshman have had the opportunity to have at such a young age. “I mean, I saw a lot of people at those places, but I’m sure that they were all cool upperclassmen in the know, you know? weirdly a lot of them were wearing lanyards though; maybe that’s just the new fashion trend. You know, vintage and all that,” said Carlson, toying with his own lanyard which he wore dangling from a belt loop with a careless, debonair style.

Carlson says he’s looking forward to his future adventures on campus, and feels secure knowing that at the end of the day, he’s got this university thing figured out. “There are so many more advanced, more mature things I want to try out,” said Carlson, “like this cool event called Beer and Pretzels, which is kind of off the map. There’s also this thing called Cardinal Nights. Hardly anyone goes to their stuff, so they must be pretty exclusive, right?”

At press time Carlson expressed an interest in living “on the row” next year. “I’ve got my sights set on Grove,” he confided with a conspiratorial air. “It’s gonna be THE party house next year.”

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