Exposé: Sigma Nu actually front for food truck business

November 3, 2012 9:00 am
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Exposé: Sigma Nu actually front for food truck business

Amidst record sightings of food trucks in front of Sigma Nu, the fraternity confessed in a Wednesday press release that the brotherhood is really a cover for a thriving food truck network.

Sigma Nu, usually known for members’ beer pong prowess and ability to host semi-successful day parties, detailed its backdoor food truck policies in the release, describing the mobile restaurants as its main source of revenue. The announcement came as a surprise to outsiders and brothers alike.

“This was hella unexpected,” proclaimed  fraternity treasurer Larry Burnside, positioning his snapback to a perfect 37 degree angle.  “I always budgeted for overhead, but I had no idea that money was paying the falafel man.” Burnside went on to state his appreciation for the “dank grub” furnished by the trucks, but expressed his dissatisfaction at being kept in the dark.  “Full disclosure and all that, know what I’m saying?”

With the secrecy of the operation compromised, the future of the business remains uncertain.  However, fraternity President Jackson Staglier voiced his confidence that the fraternity will remain a social hub on the Row.

“We make sure everyone’s having a good time and gets mad sustenance while they’re here. That’s keeping it real.”

Historical records uncovered by the Flipside suggest that the Sigma Nu house may itself be one giant food truck that ran out of gas circa 1976.

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