“Spider Scare” Brings US House to a Standstill

November 14, 2011 6:00 am
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“Spider Scare” Brings US House to a Standstill

WASHINGTON, DC–Last week, amidst heated debate over Obama’s Jobs bill, the United States House of Representatives shut down after Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) saw a spider. “We were debating Obama’s Jobs Bill, when all of a sudden we see Chuck just go ballistic,” said Paul Ryan (R-WI). “He yelled out ‘SPIDER!’ jumped on top of his desk, and refused to move. I didn’t even think the guy could move that fast.”

Following Rangel’s initial outburst, the House shut down for 45 minutes as a bipartisan group of Representatives led by Speaker of the House John Bohener attempted to track down the disruptive spider. As the group commenced their search, numerous House Democrats reportedly moved across the aisle in order to avoid the threatening arachnid, a reaction that has been criticized by many House Republicans.

“This just shows how weak the Democrats are when it comes to security,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor. “At the first sign of trouble, they run over to the Republicans for help. Let me tell you—if the spider had been seen by a Republican, this scare would have been over before it began. I would’ve taken off my shoe and squashed it right then and there.”

While the bipartisan group of representatives, now called the “Spider Hunters,” was unable to find the threatening spider, group members were able to coax Rep. Rangel down from his desk and managed to convince almost all of the House Democrats to return to their seats. The House eventually returned to business, though many house members report that representatives on both sides of the aisle remained jittery and distracted for the remainder of the day.

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